Man Bumps Into Hyperlink He Turned Purple Three Years Ago

Earth Destroys Meteor

Area Man Would Like To Be One Rescuing Dog For Once

Mother Of Three Drowns Own Fries In Ketchup

Rapper Announces Plans To Laugh For No Reason Before Song

College Freshman Now Calling Books 'Texts' For Some Reason

Farm-To-Table Restaurant Uses Word 'Manure' In Appetizer Description

Group Of 57 Friends Still Searching For Adjacent Seats In Movie Theater

Roommate Ominously Preparing Huge Dinner For Something

Crying Vilsack Cradling Armful Of Popcorn Kernels

Area Woman Unable To Go Half Hour Without Moisturizing Some Part Of Herself

Man Can Barely Sleep Knowing Weekly Einstein Bros Bagels Promotional Email Arrives Tonight

Aquarium Security Guard Figures It Couldn't Hurt To Sample Couple Fish

IT Guy Refers To Laptop As 'Machine'

Area Woman Wearing Same Boots As Captain Hook

Blackberry Stunned As Alicia Keys Terminates 200 Employees On First Day As Global Creative Director

Exhausted Egyptian Protesters Can't Believe They've Been Doing This Shit For Two Years

'Pittsburgh Magazine' Releases Annual 'Reason To Love Pittsburgh' List

Area Man Informed He Has Gotten Haircut

Enemy Pointlessly Kept Closer