Congress has deemed yelling and screaming as the nation's official mode of communication.

In the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports that a cob of bioengineered corn in Iowa begged to be killed.

In local news, a hero soldier from Pennington, IL is awarded for his service in Afghanistan barely ten years after he shit his pants in ...

The irresistibly cute photo was forwarded millions of times before servers collapsed.

Collect the entire ONN News Patrol team as well as the all-new "Missing Sorority Girl" and "Noted Author Pundit" dolls.

Animal-rights group PETA is protesting the Academy's use of chickens randomly stepping on buttons to choose Oscar Award winners each year.

In local news from Pennington, IL, a handsome teen who owns his own truck is responsible for over half of new pregnancies. More local news ...

The Beltway media is abuzz following Republican charges that Obama hates Bo.

Reporter Don Abrams speculates whether the woman got in a fight with her boyfriend or if maybe she just lost her job.

Jean Anne Whorton goes Beyond The Facts to find out how many teens are illegally enriching uranium and selling it to rogue states.

Dave Tillis' extremely affectionate, crowd-rousing manner has won him many political supporters. Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC.

Today Now's Jim Haggerty attends the annual Valentine's Day stoning, which brings comfort and joy to singles everywhere.

First adopters are already cutting off their limbs at the wrists in preparation for the release of the latest must-have Apple gadget, the sleek new ...

Congressman Ronald North, who said gay marriages would lead to man-horse unions, is caught in a relationship with a mare.  Full coverage tonight at 10 ...

The local Onion affiliate in Pennington, IL reports the tire is basically new and there for the taking.

FactZone's autistic reporter is in Washington DC where friends and family of a gunshot victim are crying and hugging in front of a corpse.

Power outages throughout the Midwest have left millions of residents without the ability to watch their library of girl-on-girl DVDs or access fetish videos online.

Women will now be allowed to fight on the front lines, provided a chaperone is there to make sure they don't hurt themselves.

Terrorists are planting normal, hard-working Muslim Americans throughout the nation to get us to lower our guard.

FEMA has vowed to "make up for last time" by using every tool at its disposal to save New Orleans from this hint of a ...