A man thanks God he’s not sexually attracted to children, the nation’s women aren’t as crazy about Bryan Gosling, and the guy ...

A local dog is wolfing down kibble as if the United States isn’t in a goddamn economic crisis, Mitt Romney gets stick in an ...

The nation’s poorest individuals are at least grateful they aren’t part of the nation’s long-suffering middle class, pictures of a smiling group ...

Chick-fil-A debuts its new homophobic sandwich, the 'Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu,' a horrible couple really wants their wedding to reflect their personalities, and Uncle Ben's ...

A new study finds that Americans need six hours of sleep at work, scientists say the U.S. may have discovered a previously unknown level ...

Comic Con is once again marred by the increasingly popular Bully-Con, a weird glitch causes 'The Amazing Spider-Man' to reboot in the middle of the ...

A string of poorly received performances forces a sock puppet to return to a foot, a study shows that 85% of Americans don't know ...

Americans enjoy three months of carefree vegging out before the responsibilities of fall programming resume, Herman Cain endorses who gives a fuck, and a pilot ...

Mitt Romney spends most of a factory visit yelling at employees to work harder, the deep, orange sun beautifully sets on Topher Grace's career ...

Ann Romney says her husband has a deeply principled side no one ever sees in public, physicists discover that our universe is the fictional setting ...

An area man is winded after a particularly lengthy Wendy's order, the NRA sets 1,000 killed in a school shooting as the amount ...

Joe Biden plans to honor fallen U.S. soldiers by jumping his motorcycle over the Vietnam Memorial, Thomas the Tank Engine is a little uneasy ...

The transportation secretary flips out on a pothole in Baltimore, a man wearing red glasses and pink pants is probably Dutch or something, and an ...

A 5-year-old announces that the circle is no longer her favorite shape, former Kentucky Derby winner Big Brown makes his comeback to horse racing as ...

An anxiety-ridden man is rightly ashamed of every single thing that he does, half a sleeve of Oreos is lost in a house fire, and ...

A Greyhound bus crash claims 30 miserable lives, a Stanford study finds no logical reason why planes are able to fly, and a local man ...

A local man is proud he can still fit into his car from high school, "Stray To Be Destroyed" tops the list of cat names ...

Female voters can't help fawning over sexist GOP candidates, a homesick kid on a sleepover just needs to tough it the fuck out, and ...

A study finds that newborn infants can tell if their parents are losers, all 6.5 million residents of Indiana join together to form a ...

An alien world agrees to help Syria since this world refuses to, the sale of BET to a white supremacist group results in no changes ...