Darling, I Will Give You The Moon And The Stars vs. Giving Me The Moon And Stars Would Have Disastrous Effects On Our Galaxy
Dearest Sally, I can no longer hide what I've been feeling since the day you borrowed my pen at Kampus Koffee. If I don ...
Point/Counterpoint
Hug Me! vs. No, Hug Me!
Hug me! I am so cute and furry! I will crawl all over you and lick your face. You can hold me, and I will ...
I Wish My Life Was Better vs. Do You Wish Your Life Was Better?
I spend a lot of time sitting around, hoping that something will drop out of the sky and make my life better. I talk about ...
Killing Wheelchair-Bound People With Missiles Is Justifiable If They're Terrorists vs. Killing Wheelchair-Bound People
The global balance of power has changed dramatically in the last two decades. In the past, great armies and great industrial capabilities were needed to ...
Pete's An Asshole vs. Aw, C'mon, Pete's An All-Right Guy
Look, man, I know that he's your friend and all, and I guess you've known him for a long time, so I hope ...
This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No it won't
George W. Bush may think that a war against Iraq is the solution to our problems, but the reality is, it will only serve to ...
No Blood For Oil vs. Exactly How Much Oil Are We Talking About?
Contrary to what he would have you believe, President Bush's plans to invade Iraq have nothing to do with such high-minded goals as liberating ...
You Know, There Are Some Excellent Red Wines Coming Out Of Argentina vs. I Hate You, I Hate You, I Hate You
So, what do you think of the wine? To be honest, I thought it was a little meek. Passable, but meek. Did you happen to ...
Help! Sandal Season Is Here, And My Feet Are A Mess vs. Help! I'm Trapped In A Burning Bus
Help! Sandal season is here, and my feet are a complete mess! I've got rough heels, ugly calluses, and ragged cuticles. Winter weather really ...
According To The Economist, NASA Is An Industrial Subsidy In Disguise vs. Oooh, Look At Me, I Read The Economist!
I grew up with the romantic notion that NASA is not merely a government agency, but an organization dedicated to bravely propelling the human race ...
Youth Is Wasted On The Young vs. Medication Is Wasted On The Old
They say hindsight is 20/20 and, boy, are they right. Young people fritter away the gifts of youth, wasting their time on silly video ...
Outdoor Advertising Is A Blight On Our Society vs. I Just Wanted To Tell The Nice People About The Yogurt
"The land of the free and the home of the brave"? More like the land of the Stay Free maxipad and the home of the ...
We Must Retaliate With Blind Rage vs. We Must Retaliate With Measured, Focused Rage
On Sept.11, 2001, America was hit by an unprecedented attack on its shores. The devastation and loss of life is incalculable. It is clear ...
Whoooooo! Bears! vs. Aaaaaggh! Bears!
Man, what a beautiful day for football. I cannot wait to see those Bears do their thing. Today's the day they're finally gonna ...
My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch
About a month ago, I got a new computer here at my reception desk at the dentist's office, and, boy, does that thing have ...
Nigeria May Be A Developing Nation, But It Is Rich In Culture vs. Get Me Out Of This Godforsaken Hellhole
Ever since taking West African History 201, I've been fascinated by the rich cultural tapestry that is Nigeria. Professor Olson really opened my eyes ...
The Future Will Be A Totalitarian Government Dystopia vs. The Future Will Be A Privatized Corporate Dystopia
I am sad to say that for all our efforts in the name of freedom, the future shall be a bleak one, indeed. Such visionary ...
Life Begins At Conception vs. Life Begins At 40!
Life begins at the moment of conception. To say otherwise is not only to deny the word of God, but to defy science. An abortion ...
America's Homeless Want A Hand Up, Not A Handout vs. I Want Handouts!
Though it may seem cruel, the reality is, a handout to that homeless panhandler you see on the street will do him more harm than ...
U.S. Out Of My Uterus vs. We Must Deploy Troops To Jessica Linden's Uterus Immediately
It comes down to one thing: It's my body. Not Uncle Sam's, not Trent Lott's, not Pat Robertson's. Mine. Congress can ...
