U.S. Out Of My Uterus vs. We Must Deploy Troops To Jessica Linden's Uterus Immediately
It comes down to one thing: It's my body. Not Uncle Sam's, not Trent Lott's, not Pat Robertson's. Mine. Congress can ...
Point/Counterpoint
It's All About The Benjamins vs. Actually, The Benjamins Are Only A Small Part Of A Larger Set of Concerns
Yo, who y'all think you be foolin' tryna act all hard and shit? I ain't tryna hear you talkin' 'bout how you be ...
I Want To Be A Fireman vs. I Want To Be A Seven-Year-Old-Girl
When I grow up, I want to be big and strong and brave and put out fires. I want to ride in a big red ...
The Spartans Are Fags vs. The Spartans Did Indeed Engage In Homosexual Activity
The Muncie Spartans are such total fucking fags, dude. That whole entire school is gay, but the guys on the football team are the biggest ...
Oooh, Mr. Smarty-Smart Is Talking! vs. I Was Told I Would Be Debating Former National Security Advisor Brent Scowcro
Oooh, look at Mr. Smarty-Smart, talking about all the big, important things he knows. Look at me! I'm sooo smart. I'm smarter than ...
A Well-Informed Populace Is Vital To The Operation Of A Democracy vs. Dixie Chicks Fever Sweeps America!
If America is to have any hope of one day becoming a true democracy, its populace must be better informed. And if this is to ...
European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy
I just got back from a semester abroad in Europe, and let me tell you, it truly was the most magical, amazing experience of my ...
I Am So Starving vs. I Am So Starving
Oh, my God, I am so starving. I swear, if I don't get something to eat in like two minutes, I am going to ...
It Was Then That I Carried You vs. Bullshit, Jesus, Those Are Obviously My Footprints
One night, Jim, you had a dream. You dreamed you were walking along the beach with Me. Across the sky flashed scenes from your life ...
Sexual Harassment In The Workplace Must Stop vs. I Love The Way Your Tits Bounce When You Type
Sadly, some 30 years after the Women's Movement first brought to the national spotlight the discrimination and double-standards women face in our male-dominated society ...
We Gave Rex To A Nice Farm Family vs. They Had Me Put To Sleep At The Vet
Don't you worry about Rex. Your father and I gave him to a nice farm family. Now he'll be able to run and ...
Reservoir Dogs Is The Best Movie Ever vs. Reservoir Dogs Is Fucking Awesome
Let me tell you this: Reservoir Dogs is the best movie ever! It's everything a good movie should be. You got great characters, awesome ...
We Must Do Everything We Can For The Children vs. Children, Schmildren
Do you realize that a recent UNICEF study showed that nine million U.S. children suffer from malnutrition? And that 2,699 infants are born ...
YES vs. NO
That in 1997 the manufacture of erotic novelty cakes is still the responsibility of the federal government is preposterous.
It is high time that erotic-cake ...
It is high time that erotic-cake ...
I Will Love You Until The Stars Fall From The Sky vs. Please Stop Calling Me
Elaine, I will love you forever. I will adore you until the sun neither rises in the morning, nor sets in the evening as you ...
You The Man vs. No, You The Man
You the man, know what I'm sayin'? You the man! You it, baby. Ain't nobody else. Nobody.
The Packers Rule! vs. For 500 Years My People Have Been Tortured And Persecuted, Slaves In Our Own Land
Let me tell you this, my friend: The Green Bay Packers rule! Brett Favre, Reggie White and the boys are going all the way this ...
I Am Threatened By Flavor Crystals vs. Flavor Crystals Rock My World!
Go ahead, call me old-fashioned! I don't care if you brazen teenage hoodlums mock me! Maybe my views are not "in," "happening" or "out ...
Hug Me! vs. No, Hug Me!
Hug me! I am so cute and furry. I will crawl all over you and lick your face. You can hold me, and I will ...
I Never Wanted You vs. Mommy, Please Come Home
You were a mistake, you know. I never planned to have you, and now I'm stuck with you.
