Cain Train

Quote ISSUE 48•32 Aug 10, 2012
"You better get your tickets ready, because it's time to ride the Cain train again." – Herman Cain

Rich and Famous

Quote ISSUE 48•25 Jun 20, 2012
"I'm rich and famous, and everyone wants to be me. That doesn't make me a bully. That just makes me better than most ...

Glass Ceiling Business

Quote ISSUE 48•15 Apr 12, 2012
"All the feminist movement needed to do was bring on someone who had the balls to do something about this glass ceiling business." - Peter "Buck ...

Three Dead Kids

Quote ISSUE 48•15 Apr 9, 2012
"For years, countless children played with the Aqua Assault RoboFighter without incident. But then these three retards come along and somehow find a way to ...


Quote ISSUE 48•14 Apr 4, 2012
"In most cases, the dolphins succeeded in finding land mines only when we placed them directly on top of the mines." - Dr.


Quote ISSUE 48•12 Mar 21, 2012
"If it's only their second or third tour, we have no problem sending soldiers with shattered psyches and profound emotional problems back into a ...

Resounding Humanity

Quote Mar 14, 2012
"To have my belly repeatedly whacked is no less than the resounding declaration of my very humanity." - Joshua Bishop

Squandered Resources

Quote ISSUE 48•10 Mar 7, 2012
"There is no use squandering any more of our valuable time and money on the myth that every child is capable of attaining success and ...

Cost of Living

Quote ISSUE 48•09 Feb 27, 2012
"For the first time, we have statistical evidence of what we've suspected for the past 40 years: Life really isn't worth living." - Jack ...

Melo's Groin

Quote ISSUE 48•08 Feb 17, 2012
"Carmelo's injury really isn't that unusual or severe, as these things go, so we've had to be persistent in striking him repeatedly ...

Heath Ledger 

Quote ISSUE 48•07 Feb 16, 2012
"In the last one, they flipped over a semi and blew up an entire hospital, so don't tell me they can't use a ...

Arne Duncan

Quote ISSUE 48•06 Feb 9, 2012
"We've basically flushed $11,000 down the toilet for every single one of these little bastards." Education Secretary Arne Duncan

Aged Americans

Quote ISSUE 48•06 Feb 8, 2012
"Think about it: You're a United States citizen who has to live with the decision to elect Barack Obama every single day, a decision ...


Quote ISSUE 48•06 Feb 6, 2012
"We're excited we made contact with this advanced form of life, but it's clear they're pretty big jerks." - NASA

Newt Gingrich

Quote ISSUE 48•05 Feb 1, 2012
"I should have worn one of those little beanies around more often, had a photo op with a rabbi, and, you know, just Jewed things ...

Mitt Romney's Watch

Quote ISSUE 48•05 Jan 31, 2012
"I pledge to every single Hispanic-American—whether you came here from Mexico to start a new life for your family or fled the brutality of ...