"I'm just going to level with you—the earth's carrying capacity will no longer be able to keep up with population growth, and ...

"The raw energy and enthusiasm Mitt Romney stirs inside people is like nothing I've ever seen." - Youngstown, OH auto mechanic Chris Ritenour

 "I'll teach you the hot licks and killer riffs you need to get 'em wet where it counts." - Vice President Biden

"Approximately 30,000 children leapt through the air with shiny metallic streamers, while the coordinated undulations of T-shirted adults simulated a giant North Korean flag ...

"He's not afraid to give Americans no-nonsense straight talk about his completely delusional fantasy world.

"There are clear health benefits to drinking room-temperature clam juice that still has bits of the shell floating around in it."

"Ultimately, the goal of SweetSpace is to be Facebook for the Facebook generation."

"We firmly believe that malice, dishonesty, and injustice were the framers' original intent," - Justice Scalia

"Well, I've never had a problem with my Phillips or my flathead, but if the question is would I reject a new screwdriver head ...

"It's that same Arby's taste you love, but piled high in your own two hands."

"I thought we'd have flying slaves by now," - George Washington

"This profound disturbance could threaten the stability of entire ecosystems" - Zoologist Rebecca Clattenburg.

"Another couple billion children might not be the best idea at this point," - Human Race

"So, you ready to see this sweet-ass roof or what?" - Vice-President Biden

"Our only shot at creating jobs is for this guy to buy a drill press," - Ben Bernanke

"Glico Pretz Ham & Cheese is a fine product, a delicious product, and one that I fully endorse for snacking morning, afternoon, and night." - President Obama

"It turned out that when people read Comic Sans, the same areas in the brain light up as when they view fat people or penguins."

"I just want you to know, right off the bat, that I'm cool with you jerking off when I'm around."

"According to our data, the total collapse of all human civilization occurred on or around April 3, 2008."

"The actions of the Visa crime ring amount to nothing less than mass extortion," Attorney General Holder