Sports News In Brief

Anti-Doping Agency Has A Bunch Of Old Tour De France Titles Lying Around If Anybody Wants One

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | Sports News in Brief

MONTREAL—Upon releasing documents Monday relating to the verdict against 2010 Tour de France winner Alberto Contador, World Anti-Doping Agency officials mentioned to reporters they have plenty of stripped Tour titles in the office that anybody could... more»

Doctors Clear Peyton Manning To Let 300-Pound Men Slam Him Into The Ground As Hard As They Can

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.12.12 | Sports News in Brief

INDIANAPOLIS—Sources confirmed Friday that Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning had been cleared by doctors to resume his career of being chased, clubbed, and thrown to the ground by 300-pound men, often with the 300-pound men falling on to... more»

Roger Goodell Asks Football Fans How Much They Are Willing To Pay To Make Pro Bowl Go Away

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.11.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEW YORK—Football fans "do not like the Pro Bowl" and "would rather get rid of the all-star game altogether," NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Saturday, saying the league is open to hearing exactly how much mone... more»

Josh Hamilton Apologizes For Not Calling Sports Media Immediately After Relapse

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.10.12 | Sports News in Brief

DALLAS—Texas Rangers All-Star outfielder and former alcoholic Josh Hamilton held a press conference Friday to issue an apology to the mainstream sports media for not immediately thinking of them after suffering a relapse last week. more»

Increase In NHL Ankle Injuries Linked To Super-Slick Synthetic Astro-Ice

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.07.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEW YORK—The NHL announced Tuesday it would study the possible safety and injury risks of playing hockey on Astro-Ice, an artificial rink-surfacing material used by many teams instead of expensive and difficult-to-maintain ice, the solid state of wa... more»

Landon Donovan Inks $2-Per-Goal Deal With Grandparents

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.06.12 | Sports News in Brief

LOS ANGELES—At a press conference Monday, Everton and Los Angeles Galaxy forward Landon Donovan announced his signing of a $2-Per-Goal contract with his grandparents Frank and Dianne Donovan—a full 100 percent raise from his previous ag... more»

Jacksonville Jags To Go Without A Head Coach For 2012

02.04.12 | Sports News in Brief

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Claiming that it "doesn't really make a difference," Jacksonville Jaguars officials announced Saturday they plan to play the 2012 season without a head coach. more»

Greg Schiano Leaves Spotlight Of Rutgers Football For Low-Profile Buccaneers Job

ISSUE 48•06 | 02.03.12 | Sports News in Brief

TAMPA, FL—New Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Greg Schiano explained to reporters Friday his decision to leave Rutgers, saying the mid-Florida football team offered his family the privacy and anonymity he missed during his years in the Rutgers spotlight. more»

1,000 'Bleacher Report' Writers Descend On Super Bowl Media Day

ISSUE 48•05 | 02.02.12 | Sports News in Brief

INDIANAPOLIS—Sports journalists and television crews were pushed aside during Super Bowl Media Day on Tuesday as more than 1,000 writers for the website BleacherReport.com entered Lucas Oil Stadium to acquire material for their trademark style of re... more»

Nashville Predators Promotion Allows First 500 Fans To Feed Players

ISSUE 48•05 | 01.31.12 | Sports News in Brief

NASHVILLE, TN—The first 500 visitors to see the Nashville Predators play hockey in their custom-built reinforced glass enclosure at Bridgestone Arena Saturday will actually be allowed to feed the team, Predators officials announced today. more»

Joel Zumaya Agrees To Throw One Last Amazing Pitch

ISSUE 48•05 | 01.30.12 | Sports News in Brief

MINNEAPOLIS—Injury-plagued fireball reliever Joel Zumaya informed reporters Monday that his new $800,000 contract with the Twins obligates him to throw one last beautifully self-destructive pitch that will finally annihilate his arm forever. more»

Eli Manning Asks Peyton If He Can Crash At His Place

ISSUE 48•05 | 01.29.12 | Sports News in Brief

INDIANAPOLIS—Pointing out that Peyton has a big house in Indianapolis and that they never hang out together anymore, Eli Manning approached his brother Friday to ask if he could crash at his place when he's in town for the Super Bowl. more»

Australian Open Canceled As Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom Of Earth Into The Sky

ISSUE 48•05 | 01.27.12 | Sports News in Brief

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Organizers of the Australian Open canceled the highly anticipated Grand Slam event Wednesday night after admitting they were unable to prevent tennis balls from falling off the underside of the planet and into the sky. more»

Nation’s Least-Appealing Puppies To Face Off In Puppy Bowl

ISSUE 48•05 | 01.26.12 | Sports News in Brief

SILVER SPRING, MD—Calling the collection of puppies assembled for Puppy Bowl VIII a tired rehashing of the same old Jack Russells, pit mixes, collies, and labs, fans around the nations agreed this week that the 2012 contest would be one of the most ... more»

Nation Unsure What To Do With Information That Padraig Harrington Wears Citizen Watches

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.24.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEW YORK—A confused nation admitted this week it isn't sure what it's supposed to make of the fact that professional golfer Padraig Harrington wears Citizen watches, or what it means that Harrington is apparently fueled by passion and Citizen Signat... more»

Prince Fielder Catching On To Fact That Teams Take Free Agents Out To Dinner A Lot

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.23.12 | Sports News in Brief

ORLANDO, FL—After recently visiting the Texas Rangers to discuss the possibility of signing a long-term contract, All-Star first baseman Prince Fielder told reporters Monday he's beginning to notice how many complimentary meals he's getting from int... more»

College Basketball Warns People Not To Get Excited About It Yet

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.21.12 | Sports News in Brief

INDIANAPOLIS—Admitting it is "enormously worried" some people are taking an interest in its emerging storylines this early in the season, the sport of college basketball made a statement Saturday urging fans and the media to ignore it... more»

Seattle Mariners Hope Jesus Montero Can Get Good Enough To One Day Sign With Yankees

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.20.12 | Sports News in Brief

SEATTLE—Introducing former Yankee farmhand Jesus Montero to the media Friday, the Seattle Mariners said they have high expectations for the newly acquired catching prospect, a player they hope will eventually become great enough to desert them for a... more»

Baltimore Ravens Admit They Like The Ugly Wins

ISSUE 48•04 | 01.19.12 | Sports News in Brief

BALTIMORE—Reflecting on a 12-4 season that showcased their gritty, brash, defense-first style, the Baltimore Ravens admitted Thursday that while everyone else chases the pretty, sexy wins, they actually prefer theirs ugly. more»

Prince Fielder Wondering If He Has Truly Free Agency

ISSUE 48•03 | 01.17.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEWPORT BEACH, CA—After meeting with his agent Monday to discuss his free agency prospects, Prince Fielder told reporters he was left wondering if he or any man can ever say his agency is truly free. more»

Bucs To Talk With Marty Schottenheimer About How Lousy He Would Be

ISSUE 48•03 | 01.16.12 | Sports News in Brief

TAMPA BAY, FL—The search for a new Buccaneers head coach has continued in Tampa Bay, where last week team management flew in Marty Schottenheimer, former NFL coach and current head of UFL's Virginia Destroyers, to discuss how utterly terrible he wou... more»

Ndamukong Suh Fined $75,000, Just To Wrap Things Up

ISSUE 48•03 | 01.14.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEW YORK—In what it is calling "the only fitting way" to end a season marked by continual unsportsmanlike conduct and accompanying disciplinary action, the NFL announced Friday it had fined Ndamukong Suh an additional $75,000 just to finis... more»

Bill O'Brien Promises To Never Uphold The Traditions And Values Penn State Now Stands For

ISSUE 48•03 | 01.13.12 | Sports News in Brief

STATE COLLEGE, PA—New head coach Bill O'Brien held an introductory press conference Saturday in which he explicitly promised to never, ever uphold the traditions and values now equated with Penn State football. more»

President Obama Wondering Why He Always Has To Initiate Phone Call With NCAA Champions

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.12.12 | Sports News in Brief

WASHINGTON—In the moments following Alabama's 21-0 victory in the BCS National Championship Monday, President Barack Obama asked several advisers why he always has to be the one to call the winning team’s coach. more»

Angels Hoping They Can Get Mike Napoli Back Now That They Have Albert Pujols And C.J. Wilson To Trade

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.09.12 | Sports News in Brief

ANAHEIM, CA—After spending $330 million on big-time free agents Albert Pujols and C.J. Wilson, Los Angeles Angels officials said Monday they now feel they have the pieces in place to make a trade for former Angels catcher Mike Napoli. more»

Masochistic Record Wants To Be Broken Again

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.08.12 | Sports News in Brief

SAN FRANCISCO—Days after San Francisco 49ers kicker David Akers set the new single-season mark for field goals made, the masochistic record publicly stated its strong desire to be broken "again, and again, and again—shattered even." ... more»

Rex Ryan: 'Mark Sanchez Was Absolutely Our Quarterback This Year'

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.06.12 | Sports News in Brief

FLORHAM PARK, NJ—Though some in the Jets organization have expressed doubts about Mark Sanchez's role as the team's starting quarterback, head coach Rex Ryan vociferously defended Sanchez Thursday, confirming the former first-round pick was "ab... more»

Andrew Luck Repeatedly Mentions How Good His Neck Feels During Post Game Interview

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.05.12 | Sports News in Brief

GLENDALE, AZ—Stanford quarterback and projected No. 1 NFL draft pick Andrew Luck spent the majority of his post–Fiesta Bowl interview Tuesday night discussing the superb health and dexterity of his neck. more»

NHL Tries To Pass Off Commercial Flight As Flyover For Winter Classic

ISSUE 48•01 | 01.04.12 | Sports News in Brief

PHILADELPHIA—NHL officials seized the opportunity given them when a United Airlines 737 passed over Citizen's Park Bank during the opening festivities of Monday's Winter Classic, attempting to convince the 46,967 fans in attendance that flight 2734 ... more»

Presidential Fitness Test Now Awarded To Any Kid Who Can Eat Without Sweating

ISSUE 48•01 | 01.03.12 | Sports News in Brief

WASHINGTON—Finally conceding it is unrealistic to expect today's children to complete a pull-up, run a mile, or touch their toes, the President's Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition announced Tuesday the new standard for winning its award woul... more»