BRISTOL, CT—Curious to know the results of the previous day’s action across the world of sports, 42-year-old electrician Gary Bimel reportedly made the ...

Tragic Childhoods per Attempt: 1 Little-Known Fact: Has never formally met Joe Flacco Biggest Regret: Picked his number too quickly Running Style: Put head down ...

Strength: Amazing flexibility when twisting quarterback’s head off Detroit-Area Families That Could Be Fed with Expected 2012 Fines: 14 Preferred Type of Rage: Blinding ...

Role Among His Teammates:: Uninterested-father figure Favorite Denver Hangout: Dr. Jensen’s Chiropractors on York and Fifth Little-Known Fact: Yells his audibles in the key ...

Onion Sports highlights three top-flight players — Baltimore Ravens RB Ray Rice, Denver Broncos QB Peyton Manning, and Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh — to keep an ...

MIAMI—Following their convincing 30-10 loss during week one of the NFL season, several members of the Miami Dolphins displayed unheralded confidence this week, openly ...

NEW YORK—NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was reportedly growing increasingly annoyed Thursday while frantically searching the Internet for a live stream of the Bears, Packers ...

CHICAGO—According to a statement released Thursday by the Chicago Cubs front office, fans of the 136-year-old baseball franchise are now too fat to attend ...

NEW YORK—After losing in the fourth round of the U.S. Open to Juan Martin del Potro, Andy Roddick officially retired from professional tennis ...

PITTSBURGH—A team of specialists helping Pittsburgh Penguins center Sidney Crosby to recover from multiple concussions announced Thursday that the All-Star has dramatically improved his ...

HANGZHOU, CHINA—According to a disturbing report released Thursday by the Species Survival Network, Chinese poachers have slaughtered more than 280 endangered Yao Mings this ...

SPOKANE, WA—Arena golfer John Daly was forced to withdraw from the Dick's Sporting Goods Classic at Spokane Arena Friday, displaying concussion-like symptoms following ...

AUSTIN, TX—Following cyclist Lance Armstrong’s announcement last night that he was dropping his opposition to charges that he used performance-enhancing drugs, a sense ...

FLORHAM PARK, NJ—With competition heating up at practices, Jets coaches and players confirmed Thursday that the ground was quickly emerging as quarterback Tim Tebow ...

LONDON—Women's individual all-around gold medalist and media darling Gabby Douglas admitted Thursday that as much as she loves all the attention she has ...

LONDON—American swimmer Michael Phelps, who earned 21 medals and became the most decorated Olympian of all time, drowned Saturday while competing in the last ...

LONDON—Fifth-seeded Hungarian fencer Aron Szilagyi pulled off a stunning upset Sunday, winning the gold medal in the individual saber event with a 15-8 victory ...

Fencing — Italy Fencing Style: Poke-heavy Family History: Father was an Olympic fencer; grandfather was an Olympic fencer; great-grandfather enjoyed annoying people by prodding them with ...

Women’s Basketball — Australia Professional Perks: Still has a ton of free tickets to Seattle Storm games if anyone wants them Part Of The Body ...

Diving — China Training: Learned how to dive by jumping into sea of Dockers at parents’ work Advantage: No matter what happens, people in China will ...