VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot
Ryan Jurgens rode the bench most of the season, but when his coach gave him a chance, it really paid off!
Video: Today Now!
How One Hot New Device Helps Couples Drag Out Their Doomed Relationship That Extra Month Or Two
The amazing new "Relationship Pro" video game controller lets both members of a couple pretend they are in a healthy relationship.
Popular Children's Book Author Reveals The 'Spooky Truth' About Creepy Conspiracy Theories
The bestselling author of “The Spooky Truth” series wants to teach kids that pulling back the curtain on what the government doesn’t want us ...
Today NOW! Hosts Shake 7UP TEN Cans, Guarantee Explosive New Episode
Watch an all new episode of Today NOW! this Thursday exclusively at theonion.com.
Finance Expert Saves Struggling Zoo By Firing All Employees, Getting Rid of Cages
On Today NOW!, the savvy businessman who turned a zoo on the verge of bankruptcy into a money-making machine shares management tips with Jim and ...
Is This 'Real Life Mr. Ed' Just A Horse Owned By A Lunatic?
Tracy spends some time on a local farm with Ray Kimball, who insists that his horse Franklin has the incredible ability to talk!
Amazing Dance Prodigy Hopes New Ballet Will Inspire Her Dad To Notice Her For Once
Jim and Tracy meet the incredible ballet prodigy who choreographed an entire desperate plea for her father's attention all on her own.
How To Get Your Son To Remove His Halloween Costume
On Today Now!, Tracy employs the help of an expert to get her own son to remove his filthy Spider-Man costume.
Today NOW! Offers 7UP TEN Chance For Fruitful Sponsorship
We invested $150,000 in this test sponsorship. We hope that you like it, 7UP TEN! Our producers tell us that our jobs depend on ...
New Ad Urges Hipsters To Go To Applebee's Ironically
On Today Now!, a consumer expert shows Jim a new Applebee's commercial that urges young people to come and mock their restaurants.
Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk
Psychic Kenneth Quinn connects Today Now! studio guests with former landlords and friends of work friends who have died for stilted conversations from beyond.
Planning A Spouse's Funeral Even Though They'll Probably Never Ever Die
On Today Now!, financial-planning expert Madeline Carden discusses how to plan for the death of a spouse, which won't happen for years and years ...
Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air
Jim Haggerty helps to raise awareness about kidney stones by undergoing an operation in front of cameras.
Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself
Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about herself continuously for over fifty hours.
Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack
On Today Now!, Jim and Tracy talk to an 11-year-old who had his leg gnawed off by a cool-as-hell shark.
Dead Wife And Kids Replaced By Miniature Horses
Jim and Tracy partner with the "Bridles of Hope" charity to replace the wife Don Groton lost to a drunk driver with a beautiful miniature ...
Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident
After a small train derailment in Delaware, Americans all across the nation are senselessly fearing for their loved ones' lives.
Today Now!: Save Money By Taking A Vacation Entirely In Your Mind
Travel expert Cathy Barnette shows Jim and Tracy how to see the world without spending a dime or even leaving your home.
Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
Two teens visit Today Now! in the hopes of finding their kidnapped friend and letting her know that their classmate is totally knocked up.
Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five"
Jim and Tracy welcome Chris Morgan, the kindergartener who wrote the latest action-packed "Fast And The Furious" sequel.
