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TV Listings

You Can’t Judge A Book By Its Cover

NBC 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT Stephen Cover is a retired federal judge trying to juggle his nascent literary career with his hectic family life in the sleepy town of You-Can’t, Idaho.

Teen Wolfe

MTV 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT The origins of Tom Wolfe are explored in this new series.

Cincinnati At Pittsburgh

Fox 1 p.m. EDT/12 p.m. CDT In this high-profile matchup, the 296,000 residents of Cincinnati go toe-to-toe with the 308,000 residents of Pittsburgh for regional bragging rights.

Billion Dollar Listing

Bravo 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT Turns out there are not any actual billion-dollar houses for sale yet. Probably should have checked that out before taping this show.

Dance Now!

CW 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Contestants dance as celebrity judges discharge pistols at their feet.

Out That Innie!

Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Cash and prizes are awarded to contestants who, through a combination of holding their breath and clenching really hard, are able to push their belly buttons out.

Saved By The Liberty Bell

NBC 4 p.m. EDT/3 p.m. CDT John Adams has finally scored a date with gorgeous Kelly Hancock, but will they get home in time for Benjamin “Screech” Franklin to study for the big test?

5 Seconds Of ‘Wild Wild West’

TNT 4:36 p.m. EDT/3:36 p.m. CDT 
Watch that scene where Will Smith and Kevin Kline get their neck magnets stuck together before you flip to something else.

The Mentalist

CBS 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT
 The show’s main character gets pretty annoyed when he finds out everyone’s been calling him The Mentalist behind his back.

Breaking Bad

AMC 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Biden Time

A&E 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT Joe’s constant fidgeting leads Starla to think his piercing is infected.

Can You Cuddle That?

Animal Planet 9 p.m. EDT/ 8 p.m. CDT This week, host Frankie Satchen sees if he can lovingly snuggle a basset hound, a startled cow, and a salamander.

Stove Alone

FOX 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT The evil furnace from Home Alone finally gets its own spinoff TV show in which it lives in a New York apartment with some kooky neighbors.

Reading Rainbow Trout

PBS 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Albino Tracker

Fox 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT This week we aggressively follow another albino because they fascinate us. But when we corner them, we find that maybe they aren’t so different from us after all.

Under the Dome

CBS 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT The dome starts to get a little smudgy, what with everybody touching it all the time.

Magic Skateboard

PBS 3 p.m. EDT/2 p.m. CDT In this spinoff of The Magic School Bus, Mrs. Frizzle and her class hop on the magic skateboard and try to land a 360 varial inside the principal’s small intestine.

Grout Virgins

HGTV 5 p.m. EDT/4 p.m. CDT Host Gus Fletch takes inexperienced homeowners and makes them work repeatedly with grout while turning everything into a strange, unsettling innuendo.

Space Wives

Bravo 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT After finding out about her husband’s affair, Darlene smashes the Hubble Telescope.

Ian McKellen: Live At The Apollo 

HBO 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT After a rough start, the classically trained stage actor wins the crowd over with an inspired riff on how lorry drivers will take their tea any which way.

Uncle vs. Uncle

truTV 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT The only show on television that pits real uncles against real uncles in a competition of wit, strength, and general uncleship.

Three’s Company

TV Land 12 a.m. EDT/11 p.m. CDT After Mr. Furley overhears something, there is a big misunderstanding and he makes a bunch of faces.

Whale Warts

Discovery 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT A whale expert completely ruins the majesty of whales for everyone by pointing out all their ugly flaws.

Put A Ving On It

BRAVO 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT How long will it take the Tominski family to notice Ving Rhames is perched on the top bunk in the twins’ room? Find out tonight!

No I’m Not

FOX 8:30 p.m. EDT/7:30 p.m. CDT In this new game show, celebrities go to public places and, when recognized by others, deny they’re who people think they are. This week: Robert DeNiro goes to Subway.

Bridezillas

WE 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Frank and Justine Bridezilla are worried their son Robby Bridezilla may have ADHD.

Meet the Press

NBC 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT Host David Gregory and DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz spend 10 minutes sharing a soft onscreen kiss.

Realistic-Bodied Women

Oxygen 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT A group of intriguing, successful career women spend their days and nights being size 10 and up.

Is That Even A Prank?

TruTV 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT Eric sneaks up on his friend while he’s sleeping and punches him.

New Girl

FOX 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT Jess (Zooey Deschanel) gets an extra set of bangs.

Don’t Get Too Excited

FOX 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT Contestants battle each other in a game of wits and brawn for a chance to win $1,000,000, but don’t freak out; they hardly ever get it.

The Thousand-Year Curse

ABC 8:30 p.m. EDT/7:30 p.m. CDT A gypsy put a curse on a family that wronged her, but they’ve still got another 994 years or so before it kicks in.

Splash

ABC 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Louie Anderson, and other celebrities compete to see which one has the most mismanaged finances.

Stupid Ponds, Faggy Rivers

National Geographic 7 p.m. EDT/6 p.m. CDT Moody teenage host Grant Brock takes you to a few aquatic locales only a gay idiot would be dumb enough to enjoy.

America’s Meatiest Forearms

TLC 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT Returning champ Kenny faces stiff competition this week from some impossibly thick-limbed challengers.

The Bible

Lifetime 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT When voluptuous neighbor Bathsheba decides to take a steamy outdoor bath, will King David be able to hold it together?

Are You Holding A Spoon Or A Fork?

FOOD 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST Producers had to search high and low for some real idiots to make this show at all interesting, but boy did they find some.

The Biggest Loser

NBC 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST Holly’s pregnancy, now in its third trimester, continues to work against her.

Waukegan LASIK

Bravo 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST The office goes crazy over a rumor that Obamacare will cover the procedure.

The Deck Boys

HGTV 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST A rainy day can’t stop the Deck Boys, who proceed to install a deck on the back of the Robinsons’ home.

Noogies Around The World

National Geographic 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST It turns out that some countries don’t even call them noogies; they call them something else in their own language.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Walking Dead

AMC

10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT

In the eagerly anticipated conclusion to last season’s heart-stopping cliffhanger, an obscured shape staggering toward the characters in the midst of an orchestral swell turns out to be a zombie.

More from this section

The Mentalist

CBS 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT
 The show’s main character gets pretty annoyed when he finds out everyone’s been calling him The Mentalist behind his back.

Breaking Bad

AMC 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Biden Time

A&E 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT Joe’s constant fidgeting leads Starla to think his piercing is infected.

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