Sources say the screaming orb might be the only potential candidate that would tap into Republicans' deep-seated, seething fury after this election.

Our polling experts weigh in on the terrifyingly infinite number of possible election outcomes.

How to avoid all of the miserable status updates, photos, and video posts from your most obnoxious Facebook friends on Election Day.

Paul Ryan is spending the final day of the campaign doing what he loves–reminding America's downtrodden that everything bad in their lives is ...

America's roommates have launched a grassroots campaign to spread the message that one person can't make a difference if you really, really think ...

Full Report at 2 p.m. EDT/1 p.m. CDT

Record turnout is expected at the polls thanks to a groundbreaking new voting booth that lets Americans violently murder the candidate they hate the most.

New interactive, violent voting machines expected to boost turnout on Election Day. Full report at 2:00 p.m. EDT/1:00 p.m. CDT.

Americans talk directly to the candidates in the first test of ONN's amazing, 100% safe DemocraKiosk booths.

No more waiting in long lines just to have your vote thrown away! A new app makes it easier than ever for minorities to be ...

Voters can't wait to show Obama and Romney the pointless talents that make America great.

BREAKING: Analysts are scrambling to determine what leaked searches like "Blood child, blood on the child" and "must the president look at people" could tell ...

The Onion profiles key battleground state Florida, known for being a state that can go either way. For instance, in 2000, the state famously voted ...

Ohio figures to once again be a key battleground state. The Onion presents its profile of the swing state that sends Republicans and Democrats alike ...

Your pathetic, statistically meaningless vote is more important than ever this year. To help you make the right choice, we present The Onion's guide ...

Election Day is fast approaching. To help you prepare, here now is The Onion's in-depth voter's guide to Democratic candidate Barack Obama.

Mandatory Viewing For All Americans

Tampa Bay gay sex workers say they plan to rake in the cash sucking off secretly gay Republican politicians during the Republican National Convention.

In an attempt to court the youth vote, Obama will star in the full-length Judd Apatow comedy "Commander In Steve" alongside James Franco and Seth ...

Republicans are reminding seniors to take their blood pressure medication, hoping they won't die before voting on Election Day.