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Weddings

Jen Piasek and Scott Gahagen

Jen Piasek and Scott Gahagen claimed they were married in their backyard Saturday so they could have the beautiful autumnal scenery in all of their pictures but it’s really because they’re poor.

Josh Martin and Tanya Booker

Josh Martin and Tanya Booker were married on the Sunday before Labor Day in a beautiful ceremony that wasted their families’ and friends’ entire three-day weekend.

Jason Noggoh

Jason Noggoh slid headfirst down the slippery slope into dog marriage.

Jessica Farthing and Mark Harris

Jessica Farthing and Mark Harris were joined together in marriage Saturday, but split soon afterwards when Farthing realized she had the wrong Mark Harris.

Peter Jacobs and Estelle Wilson

Peter Jacobs and Estelle Wilson, both age 88, were married in the banquet hall of Shady Oaks Nursing Home on Friday, surrounded by people who looked kind of familiar to them.

Jake Fangol and Elizabeth Geder

Jake Fangol and Elizabeth Geder couldn’t believe they could hire the Squirrel Nut Zippers to play their reception, but went with a DJ instead.

Alan Culver and Brenda Hayworth 

Mormon couple Alan Culver, 23, and Brenda Hayworth, 21, were wed in a private ceremony Saturday, and then lost their virginities to one another in an experience more beautiful and pure than anything you will ever know.

Chad Greene and Danielle Faye

Chad Greene and Danielle Faye were married before friends and family this weekend, but as of press time it was not known if the ceremony was beautiful.

Chelsea Burns and Robert Jacobs

Chelsea Burns and Robert Jacobs were married at sunset Saturday on a picturesque Hawaiian beach inside Chelsea's head, while the rest of her body was at the actual ceremony near the seventh hole of the golf club Robert's dad belongs to.

Elena Lee and Frank Korda

Elena Lee and Frank Korda announced their engagement after discovering that they both deeply desired fried hors d’oeuvres, legitimate sex, and a gift-wrapped cake stand.

Michelle Lokey and Grant Bergen

Michelle Lokey and Grant Bergen were united in marriage Saturday in a lovely ceremony during which, let’s face it, it crossed every guest’s mind at one point or another that the couple was going to have some real pale and mole-y children.

Tim Darje

Tim Darje kissed his bride for the first time as man and wife in front of everyone Saturday, but really hoped none of his buddies saw.

Dana Alvarez and Ryan Coffman

Dana Alvarez and Ryan Coffman tied the knot Saturday night at Beef ‘O’ Brady’s just to get that drunken Unification Church officiate off their goddamn backs.

Margaret Jones and Todd Jacobson

Margaret Jones and Todd Jacobson said their vows in front of friends and family at a large outdoor ceremony in Jefferson Park, and then again in a private voodoo ceremony immediately after.

Jessica Tanley and Rodney Holl

Jessica Tanley married Rodney Holl beneath a beautiful evening sky, hoping for a shooting star at the moment of their “I Do’s,” but of course that didn’t happen because Rodney always screws everything up.

James Palmenteri and Valerie Skinner

After two marriages to other people, James Palmenteri, 38, and Valerie Skinner, 35, have decided to waste their friends and family’s time, once again, this Saturday.
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Patricia Belanger and Mark Russell

Patricia Belanger will now be Mark Russell’s new emergency contact and vice versa.

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Peter Jacobs and Estelle Wilson

Peter Jacobs and Estelle Wilson, both age 88, were married in the banquet hall of Shady Oaks Nursing Home on Friday, surrounded by people who looked kind of familiar to them.

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