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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Aged Americans

"Think about it: You're a United States citizen who has to live with the decision to elect Barack Obama every single day, a decision that constantly affects the entire planet. You'd only sleep four or five hours a night, too." - Democratic strategist Mitch Kaplan

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