CHICAGO—Just days before the Blackhawks' first-round playoff loss to the Vancouver Canucks Wednesday, star right winger Patrick Kane announced to a stunned locker room that his father had taken a new job in Boise, ID and that he was moving away with...
HENDERSON, NV—After finally deciding to relax and not worry so much about having a baby, local couple Aaron Leonard and Shelley Akers announced Tuesday that at long last they remained no closer to conceiving a child.
MADISON, WI—A painting hanging on the wall of Mother Fool's coffee shop in Madison announced Tuesday that it was growing "pretty frigging tired" of the unending stream of smart aleck jokes and insults hurled its way.
After several recent cases of air traffic controllers falling asleep on the job—including one incident that delayed the landing of a medical flight—the Federal Aviation Administration announced it was adding more overnight controllers at 27 towers. What do you think?
PALM BEACH, FL—Popular radio personality Rush Limbaugh said on his show Tuesday that he is going to Honolulu for a 10-day vacation during which he plans to break away from his daily routine and "just play a lot of golf, eat, sleep, and treat mi...
BRISTOL, CT—With the 36th and final pick of the 2011 WNBA Draft, the Seattle Storm selected 6-foot-5 center and rebound specialist Krystal Thomas, thereby officially making her the saddest woman in the United States of America.
MIAMI—Despite having high expectations heading into the 2010-2011 season, the Miami Heat suffered the worst regular season record of all-time Wednesday, limping to a painfully humiliating 58-24 and finishing an embarrassing second place in the Easte...
Rory McIlroy went into the final round of the Masters with a four-stroke lead, but shot eight over on the last 18 holes, flailing uselessly all day. Add his meltdown to this list of all-time great collapses:
WASHINGTON—Saying their gel-filled kangaroo-leather palms give him "the control and comfort I need for the perfect swing," Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia signed a deal Monday with equipment and accessory maker Easton to endorse the c...
TRIPOLI—Rebel forces hoping to oust Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi confirmed Tuesday that they were having difficulties coordinating their rebellion while still working a full 40-hour week at their other jobs.
CINCINNATI—Shortly before her reading Tuesday at local bookstore Word Mentality, author Francine Massey told reporters that she does her absolute best for everyone who comes out to see her, whether it's just three people or a much larger crowd of nine people.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
TOPEKA, KS—Expressing dismay at his shockingly coldblooded behavior, sources confirmed that local man and heartless monster Ethan McKenzie, 34, walked out of local small business Hearthstone Artisan Goods on Tuesday without purchasing anything.