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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Bodies: The Sitcom

FOX

8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT

Based on the beloved traveling cadaver exhibit. After their long-running show finally closes, a quirky trio of vivisected and plastinized corpses try to adapt to "life" at a small Midwestern medical college.

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