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Content From 2011-07-01

Dick Armey

"We cannot afford to take the health of our nation's lawns for granted." - Sen. Dick Armey (R-TX)

Buying Someone A Drink

When you see someone you're interested in during a night out, it's common to buy them a drink. Here are some etiquette guidelines to consider before you make your move:

Glee

FOX 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Sue's evil plan to destroy the glee club works and the show ends and we're all saved from ever having to watch another Glee promo or hear another shitty song made shittier by the kids in Glee.

Tireless, Hardworking Reporter Has Already Won Greatest Prize Of All

'The Love And Respect Of My Family And Community,' Esteemed Journalist Says

NEW YORK—Reflecting on a life and career in which he has so far not received any prestigious journalism awards, hardworking reporter Peter Chaykin announced this week that he has already gained the most meaningful and glorious prize possible: the un...

Media Watchdog Spokesman Sought On Embezzlement Charges

OMAHA, NE—According to FBI sources, the nonprofit media watchdog group Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes, or AFAJP, was ordered to cease operations Friday after its spokesman and president, Stephen Forbeck, was indicted on 24 coun...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Fish

"The bass were the first to talk about it, but they're kind of a coarse fish." - Eight-pound walleyed pike
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