Funk Congress

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Content From 2011-07-11

Twisted Sister

"The world is a different place today, and with that in mind, we would like to go on record as saying that, starting right now, we are going to take it." - Twisted Sister

Miracle Baby Born With Job

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Following a long and difficult delivery, weary but jubilant doctors announced that at 8:23 a.m. Tuesday, area mother Cathleen Jericho had miraculously given birth to a healthy, strong, and fully employed baby boy.

Rod Stewart Easily Passes For An Elderly Aunt

Record industry refuses to claim credit for horrendous #1 song, The National Funk Congress is deadlocked on get up/get down issue, and the Chicago Bears reunite for the first time since the "Super Bowl Shuffle." It's the week of July 4th, 2011.

Music Festival Tips

This summer promises to be a vibrant one for music festivals, due to the growing popularity of the Pitchfork Festival, Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza, and others.

Fish

"The bass were the first to talk about it, but they're kind of a coarse fish." - Eight-pound walleyed pike

Dick Armey

"We cannot afford to take the health of our nation's lawns for granted." - Sen. Dick Armey (R-TX)

Buying Someone A Drink

When you see someone you're interested in during a night out, it's common to buy them a drink. Here are some etiquette guidelines to consider before you make your move:
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Originality

  • Restaurant Gives Totally Unwanted Twist To Mexican Cuisine

    BERKELEY, CA—Claiming that the eatery was already generating a buzz among locals with its “East Meets Mex” flavors, owners of the Bento Burrito location on Shattuck Avenue explained to reporters Tuesday how their new restaurant offers a ...

Funk Congress

The time has come to face facts: To move forward, we've got to get on up, and stay on the scene, like a sex machine." - Brick House Majority Leader James Brown (G-GA)
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