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Content From 2009-10-11

Community Gives Up Following Tragedy

FORT SCOTT, KS—"Honestly, I don't see the people of Fort Scott looking to one another for solace during this trying time, or really looking to one another for anything ever again," said mayor Thomas Dietrich.

Wheel Of Fortune

NBC 9 p.m. p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT Jesus Christ, you stupid bitch, "Star Trek," not "Star Tree."

Parents Against Swine Flu Vaccine

An Associated Press poll shows that 38 percent of all parents do not want their children vaccinated against the H1N1 virus, or swine flu. What do...

God Introduces New Bird

THE HEAVENS—Available in two colors­—male and female—the bird reportedly combines everything God has learned from His previous works into one "new twist on an old classic."

Adorable Rockies Attempting To Win World Series

PHILADELPHIA—In an absolutely precious little press conference before the start of the NLDS Wednesday, the upstart Colorado Rockies confirmed that they would be making the most adorable effort to win the World Series this year.

Steve Smith

After four weeks, the New York Giants' Steve Smith currently leads the league in receiving. Is he any good?

Hummer Drivers Get Most Tickets

A study conducted by a statistical information company concluded that drivers of Hummers received 4.63 times the number of citations other drivers...

MLB Playoff Predictions

With the 2009 regular season out of the way, Onion Sports runs down what to look for during the postseason.

Bank Of America CEO Resigns

Once heralded as a shrewd innovator, embattled CEO Ken Lewis is now leaving Bank Of America. Here are some key missteps from the past 18 months...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Grey's Anatomy

ABC

9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

Six years later, a group of highly paid doctors are still hashing out their personal problems. Also, they look a little older than last season.

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