Jay Kogen

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 39

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Four Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week four games: 49ers at Rams OSN’s Lock Of The Week: 49ers — The 49ers will rebound after a pair of tough losses in...

Scientists Recommend Having Earth Put Down

FORT COLLINS, CO—Claiming that it is the humane thing to do, and that the planet is “just going to suffer” if kept alive any longer, members of the world’s scientific community recommended today that Earth be put down. “We re...

Insecure Man Pretending To Be Someone He's Not

The world's insect leaders meet at the G20,000,000,000 Summit, a bullied 8th grader incorrectly thought classmates would leave him alone during a field trip to the 9/11 memorial, and a man experiencing his first real moment of peace in years is resuscita...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Late Night

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Onion Video

Watch More