Just Like Everything Else!

In This Section

Content From 2011-09-17

Everyone On Seahawks A Bad Secret Weapon

SEATTLE—Seahawks coach Pete Carroll said in a press conference Friday that the Seahawks would be one of the biggest surprises of the 2011 season, as the team is entirely made up of bad secret weapons.

Eli Manning Buys Silly Hat To Make Himself Feel Better

NEW YORK—Following a demoralizing 14-28 loss to the Redskins Sunday in which he threw an interception and no touchdowns, Giants quarterback Eli Manning attempted to cheer himself up with the purchase of an oversized green leprechaun-style top hat. 

B.J. Upton Greeted By Teammates After Historic Circumnavigation Of Bases

ST. PETERSBURG, FL—With warm welcomes and loud exclamations of relief from his Rays teammates, Tampa Bay outfielder B.J. Upton was greeted at home plate Sunday after returning from a perilous, arduous circumnavigation of the Tropicana Field bases, a journey that ended at the very same spot it began.

ONION NEWS NETWORK LAUNCHES NEW TV CHANNEL FOR THE POOR

"Onion Destitute Channel" Will Cater To Growing Demographic Of Americans Living In Poverty NEW YORK, NY (September 15, 2011) - Following this week's report from the U.S. Census Bureau that more Americans than ever are living below the pov...

American Secrets For Sale

Space scientist Stewart David Nozette pleaded guilty to a charge of attempting to sell classified information to an FBI agent posing as an Israeli spy.

Sears Quote 

"Our only shot at creating jobs is for this guy to buy a drill press," - Ben Bernanke

Ancient Mysteries

History 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Where did Mount Rushmore come from? When was it built? What does it mean? Were aliens involved?
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Originality

Just Like Everything Else!

Fox

8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC

Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More