Obama compromise

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Content From 2011-08-04

Obama Turns 50 Despite Republican Opposition

WASHINGTON—After months of heated negotiations and failed attempts to achieve any kind of consensus, President Obama turned 50 years old Thursday, drawing strong criticism from Republicans in Congress.

Kid Massive

GREENWOOD, IN—Despite being only 11 years old, local kid David Bailey is absolutely fucking massive—just an absolute Mack truck of a boy—astonished sources reported Friday. 

States Slashing Arts Budgets

Facing fiscal crisis, a number of states—including Texas, Wisconsin, and Kansas—are cutting their arts budgets or eliminating them altogether.

Danny DeVito A Lot Taller, Thinner In Person

LOS ANGELES—After a chance spotting of Danny DeVito at Los Angeles International Airport on Friday, vacationer Ted Appleby was surprised to find the actor to be a lot taller and thinner in person than he appears on screen.

Soccer Player In Blue Shirt Happy

SOUTH AMERICA?—Following what must have been a successful on-field achievement Sunday, a professional, semi-professional, or possibly amateur male soccer player wearing a sky-blue shirt appeared happy, sources confirmed.

Woman Fined For Truck Nutz

Facing a $445 fine, a South Carolina woman will go to trial to let a jury determine whether the fake oversized testicles hanging off the back of her truck are obscene.
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Obama compromise

"I'm truly grateful that both Democrats and their Democratic counterparts were able to reach this consensus," President Obama
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