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Content From 2010-10-20

Your Horoscopes - Week Of October 19, 2010

Aries Your last hope of finding true and unconditional love ends this week when your ideal mate is executed by the State of Texas for unspeakable crimes against humanity. Taurus This week's revelations will be especially...

Hey, Come On In, Sorry About All The Dead Pets

Hello, hello, so good to see you! Please, come in! Did you have any trouble finding the house? The turn comes up quickly after you make the right on Lake Street, so some people end up driving right past it.

Feds 'Friending' People On Facebook To Spy

Federal documents suggest both the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services and the Department of Homeland Security have encouraged agents to "friend" suspects on Facebook in order to check for evidence of misdeeds.

Squirrel Ark

FOX 8 p.m. EDT / 7 p.m. CST In this new series, Jason Patric stars as a bumbling modern-day Noah who only manages to get one species on the boat.

Brady Quinn Hasn't Heard That Name In Ages

DENVER—Upon overhearing visitors to the Broncos training facility inquire about third-string quarterback Brady Quinn, a young but grizzled Brady Quinn was seen to lean forward, raise his eyebrows, frown thoughtfully, and cast his eyes upward in appa...

Microlender Forecloses On Goat

SAN FRANCISCO—Representatives from One World Finance, a U.S.-based microcredit provider, confirmed Monday that they had initiated foreclosure proceedings on a goat in southern India following a borrower's repeated failure to make her $2.20 monthly l...

American Public Actually Kind Of Endearing In Some Ways

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—According to an extensive 18-month study published by researchers at the University of New Mexico this week, Americans, despite their embarrassing behavior, general ineptitude, and countless other negative traits, are actually kind of endearing in some ways.

Klee

FOX 8 p.m. EDT / 7 p.m. CST Tonight: The Swiss-German expressionist and his pals Wassily Kandinsky and Franz Marc burst into songs from the catalog of Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

Cyclist Friend Explains Necessity Of $35 Socks

MONESSEN, PA—Recreational cyclist Ethan Coseglia, 38, thoroughly explained the benefits of wearing $35 bike-riding socks to his friend Kevin Washburn Friday, saying that his specially designed socks are essential in optimizing his overall cycling performance.

Brett Favre's Troubled Past

Though undeniably talented, Brett Favre has made a habit of getting into strange situations. We look at some of his more remarkable exploits.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

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10 p.m. EDT / 9 p.m. CST

After catching a perp in front of the Space Needle, officers Hale and Niemann talk a jumper down from the top of the Space Needle, thwart a robbery at the original Starbucks, and then respond to a homicide at the Space Needle.

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