Recent News

Report: You Have Won!

Head To To Redeem Your Winnings

WINNER’S CIRCLE—Sources are reporting that you, valued Onion reader, have won!
End Of Section
  • More News

Shit That'll Make You Puke!


9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT

This fat lady gets that stomach-belt thing, but first, the doctors have to cut through a ton of nasty fat layers.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.