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Content From 2010-07-21

NBC Announces Fall Cancellation Lineup

NEW YORK—At a press conference Tuesday, the NBC television network unveiled its new fall lineup of programs that will be canceled almost immediately after airing.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 20, 2010

Aries Pain will be yours this week when that Man from Nantucket finally hears all the terrible things you've been writing about him. Taurus You'll soon popularize a new dance craze, thanks in large part to the large, fer...

Dance Your Ass Off

OXYGEN 10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST There, we said it without the asterisks. ASS. Get over it, people. It's a natural part of the human body and nothing to titter about.

God Hinting At Retirement

THE HEAVENS—At a press conference Tuesday, God Almighty, our Lord and Heavenly Father, gave his strongest indication yet that he might soon step down from his post as the supreme ruler of all things.

ESPN Green-Lights 'The Decision' For 22 More Episodes

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN president George Bodenheimer announced Wednesday that the hour-long program The Decision, a melodrama about NBA superstar LeBron James declaring his intention to join the Miami Heat, has been green-lighted for an additional 22 episo...

Boulder, Colorado, Named Best Place To Raise Abducted Children

BOULDER, CO—"Boulder is the perfect place for me and the girls," said a local resident who asked that we refer to him only as Peter. "Trust me, we've lived all over: Sacramento, Reno, Tucson, Dallas, Orlando, northern Mexico for a few weeks, Dallas again, even Alaska. Nowhere else comes close."

Clinton Brought In On Economy

The White House announced Wednesday that it had enlisted former president Bill Clinton to reach out to businesses and encourage job creation.
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After being repeatedly spun around, Ali stumbles and then vomits into Chris L.'s arms, winning any viewer who picked him a 6-to-1 payout.

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