The Last 10 Minutes of House

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Vol 48 Issue 09

Danica Patrick

She's one of sports' single-name stars, but even after her first Daytona 500 start, Danica is more well-known for her endorsements than her performance.

World's Youngest Person Born

Meth addicts demand the government address the nation's growing spider menace, K-Y introduces a new line of jam, and Prince Fielder reports to spring training exactly the right amount overweight.

Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team

RHODES, GREECE—Ignoring critics’ calls for the aging golden retriever's retirement, basketball standout and multisport athlete Air "Bud" Buddy has signed a one-year contract for an undisclosed amount with Kolossos Rodou B.C., a mid-l...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Onion Video

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