Uncomfortable Emptiness

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Content From 2008-09-11

Nation Hit Hard

NEW YORK—Faced with several tough factors, the nation has once again been hit hard, sources reported Tuesday. "It is unclear whether the...

Female Fans Out For Season With Tom Brady's Knee Injury

FOXBOROUGH, MA—More than 90 percent of female football fans were lost for the sesaon on Sunday when New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady suffered a left knee injury that will require extensive treatment. The Partriots announced Monday...

Notable Sports Injuries

Tom Brady's season-ending knee injury certainly changed the complexion of the NFL season, but it isn't the first time a player has made headlines...

Michigan at Notre Dame

Two of the most self-important programs in college football meet in this utterly unimportant early season game.

Kim Jong Il May Have Had Stroke

Following his absence during a parade celebrating the 60th anniversary of North Korea, many are speculating that Kim Jong Il has suffered a stroke....

Voter Registration Efforts

As the election grows nearer, many organizations are out in full force to increase voter registration. What are they doing to encourage people...

Hey, Where Did All My Stuff Go?

Well this sucks. I leave the realm of the living to roam the underworld for a few thousand years, return to my burial place to enjoy all my...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Uncomfortable Emptiness

FOX

8:53 p.m. EDT/7:53 p.m. CDT

Following a Subway commercial, this protracted period of silent blankness on your television set will cause you and your family members to look around awkwardly at each other until your show resumes.

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