PHILADELPHIA—In response to the Vermont senator calling upon all Democrats to come together to assure the party’s victory in the presidential election this November, thousands of Bernie Sanders supporters were reportedly left deeply aggravated Monday after he didn’t use his Democratic National Convention speech to encourage voters to act against their own self-interest.
PHILADELPHIA—As Vermont senator Bernie Sanders spoke to the crowd about the need for party unity Monday during the first night of the Democratic National Convention, sources reported that the voice coming from the Wells Fargo Center sound system during his address clearly belonged to Hillary Clinton.
PHILADELPHIA—Sending terrified gasps through the audience as she pulled back a thick velvet curtain onstage to reveal the formidable politician, Massachusetts senator Elizabeth Warren assured the thousands of progressive onlookers at the Democratic National Convention Monday night that the docile Hillary Clinton standing before them meant them no harm.
PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.
Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak
PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.
MIAMI—In their first official meeting Saturday as Democratic running mates, Hillary Clinton reportedly pulled aside her vice presidential pick, Virginia senator Tim Kaine, and quietly assured him that in the event of her death while in office, she would continue serving as commander-in-chief.
CLEVELAND—After waiting for the cheers and loud chants of his name to die down, Donald Trump reportedly began his headlining speech Thursday night at the Republican National Convention by taking a moment to remind the members of his party this was their final opportunity to get out of this thing before it went any further.
CORAL GABLES, FL—Staring unblinkingly ahead Thursday night as Donald Trump’s presidential acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention played on the television in front of him, former GOP candidate Jeb Bush reportedly whispered “Low-Energy Jeb” to himself while sitting alone in the dark.
CLEVELAND—Saying their contributions had been crucial to the success of his candidacy, GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump took a moment during his speech Thursday to thank all of the fear and insecurity in the audience of the Republican National Convention for making this evening possible.
CLEVELAND—Unable to maintain control over his emotions after making the humiliating mistake, Barron Trump, the 10-year-old son of GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump, reportedly sprinted off the Republican National Convention stage in tears Thursday when he missed a note during his solo clarinet performance.
CLEVELAND—Reacting reflexively to the Indiana governor’s speech while watching a live feed backstage at the Republican National Convention, GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump accidentally shot off a “Boring Mike Pence” tweet Wednesday night before he could stop himself.
CLEVELAND—In a poignant and moving address Wednesday night at the Republican National Convention, Indiana governor Mike Pence recounted the emotional story of a longtime friend of his who was aborted shortly after his second trimester.
CLEVELAND—Visibly moved by attendees’ vitriolic handmade signs and enraged calls for federal prosecution, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich told those at the Republican National Convention Wednesday that it was an honor to address a crowd that shared his extremely bizarre and unhealthy obsession with Hillary Clinton.
CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
CLEVELAND—Warning that remaining in the vicinity could lead to numerous adverse health effects, officials at the Republican National Convention asked all pregnant women to leave Quicken Loans Arena during Ted Cruz’s speech Wednesday night for the safety of their developing fetuses, sources confirmed.
CLEVELAND—Saying there were a host of issues that still had not been loudly mocked by the audience, Republican National Convention attendee Josh Brady told reporters Wednesday he was excited to find out what he’ll get to boo tonight.