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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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2007 NASCAR Highlights

Jimmie Johnson has been awarded the 2007 NASCAR Nextel Cup after an historic and eventful racing season. Onion Sports runs down the high points:

Tony Stewart wins the USG Sheetrock 400, and is rewarded with 14,000 tons of sheetrock

Mark Martin finishes the Pepsi 400 with a record 78 wrinkles

Kyle Busch is hospitalized for a month when tradition requires him to drink a glass of the race sponsor's product after winning the Castrol GTX Industrial-Strength Motor Oil 500

Unable to come up with a signature post-victory celebration, rookie Juan Pablo Montoya just sort of claps his hands a little bit

VAAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM! BRUM brum brum bruubrummmbrummmm VREEEEWWWAAAAHHHHMMM! WHEEAAAAAAARRRRUUUUM! SkrrrreeeeeEEEAHHHHHGH Ka-WHAAAAMMMMMBO!

Laps 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 at the Allstate 400: awesome

Dale Earnhardt Jr. has an impressive comeback at Pocono to finish second, although he probably would have finished first if he still had a dad

Bobby Labonte's coonhound, Colonel Earl, sends shockwaves throughout the conservative, family-oriented world of stock car racing when "he" births a litter of eight cute li'l pups

The NEXTEL Cup Series combats rising gas prices and increased ecological sensitivity among consumers by ignoring them

With one race remaining on the schedule, Jeff Gordon clinches his first ever "Champion For Most Of The Season" Cup

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