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The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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2008 Bowl Game Highlights

Rose Bowl: Penn State is at a huge disadvantage when head coach Joe Paterno decides to coach the game from the Rose Parade's Garden of Oz float

Hawaii Bowl: Notre Dame defeats Hawaii 49-21 in a game that takes place entirely in Charlie Weis' shirt

Emerald Bowl: California won

New Mexico Bowl: Colorado State's Gartrell Johnson rushes for a career-high 285 yards against a team he's never heard of in a bowl game he's never heard of

New Orleans Bowl: By losing to Southern Mississippi in overtime, Troy continued its 3,000-year streak of losing in big matchups

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: With the bowl's name taking up so much space, newspapers had no room to print the final score of 17-

Sugar Bowl: Though heavy underdogs, Utah handily wins over Alabama, proving once and for all that Nick Saban is a douchebag

Papajohns.com Bowl: Rutgers WR Kenny Britt converts a key first down then immediately runs out of bounds to track his pizza order on papajohns.com

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