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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee Highlights

The annual National Spelling Bee is an unusual but captivating event. Onion Sports notes some singular moments from this year's tournament:

Tia Thomas still manages to spell "oxylophytic" in the 10th round despite suffering a badly sprained tongue on "propylaeum"

Sameer Mishra wins the spelling bee thanks to his advanced preparation of writing every single word in the dictionary on the palm of his left hand

Immediately after being eliminated from the bee, Samika Fahim Nawaz announces that he has hired agent Drew Rosenhaus and will skip the rest of his scholastic career in order to enter the professional draft

Colorado Springs seventh-grader Priydeeyamanaya Siddharthneeumayhan is eliminated in the quarterfinals when judges ask her to spell her own name

An awkward silence descends across the stage when Los Angeles-area eighth-grader Julia Chen spells "syzygy" as "m-y m-a-n-i-p-u-l-a-t-i-v-e p-a-r-e-n-t-s f-o-r-c-e-d m-e t-o b-e h-e-r-e b-u-t I j-u-s-t w-a-n-t t-o p-l-a-y a-n-d h-a-v-e f-r-i-e-n-d-s"

94-year old Frank Neuhauser, winner of the first Bee in 1925, could be seen standing around asking if anyone wanted him to spell anything

10-year-old Anthony Incorvati, like the complete dunce that he is, goes and fucks up on the word "quaquaversal," which is practically the easiest word you could possibly get, yet this idiot puts an "i" in there after the first "a"; can you fucking believe that?

At the conclusion of the Bee, the contestants unfortunately run across the entrants of the National Bullying Bee

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