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2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee Highlights

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee Highlights

The annual National Spelling Bee is an unusual but captivating event. Onion Sports notes some singular moments from this year's tournament:

Tia Thomas still manages to spell "oxylophytic" in the 10th round despite suffering a badly sprained tongue on "propylaeum"

Sameer Mishra wins the spelling bee thanks to his advanced preparation of writing every single word in the dictionary on the palm of his left hand

Immediately after being eliminated from the bee, Samika Fahim Nawaz announces that he has hired agent Drew Rosenhaus and will skip the rest of his scholastic career in order to enter the professional draft

Colorado Springs seventh-grader Priydeeyamanaya Siddharthneeumayhan is eliminated in the quarterfinals when judges ask her to spell her own name

An awkward silence descends across the stage when Los Angeles-area eighth-grader Julia Chen spells "syzygy" as "m-y m-a-n-i-p-u-l-a-t-i-v-e p-a-r-e-n-t-s f-o-r-c-e-d m-e t-o b-e h-e-r-e b-u-t I j-u-s-t w-a-n-t t-o p-l-a-y a-n-d h-a-v-e f-r-i-e-n-d-s"

94-year old Frank Neuhauser, winner of the first Bee in 1925, could be seen standing around asking if anyone wanted him to spell anything

10-year-old Anthony Incorvati, like the complete dunce that he is, goes and fucks up on the word "quaquaversal," which is practically the easiest word you could possibly get, yet this idiot puts an "i" in there after the first "a"; can you fucking believe that?

At the conclusion of the Bee, the contestants unfortunately run across the entrants of the National Bullying Bee

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