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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee Highlights

The annual National Spelling Bee is an unusual but captivating event. Onion Sports notes some singular moments from this year's tournament:

Tia Thomas still manages to spell "oxylophytic" in the 10th round despite suffering a badly sprained tongue on "propylaeum"

Sameer Mishra wins the spelling bee thanks to his advanced preparation of writing every single word in the dictionary on the palm of his left hand

Immediately after being eliminated from the bee, Samika Fahim Nawaz announces that he has hired agent Drew Rosenhaus and will skip the rest of his scholastic career in order to enter the professional draft

Colorado Springs seventh-grader Priydeeyamanaya Siddharthneeumayhan is eliminated in the quarterfinals when judges ask her to spell her own name

An awkward silence descends across the stage when Los Angeles-area eighth-grader Julia Chen spells "syzygy" as "m-y m-a-n-i-p-u-l-a-t-i-v-e p-a-r-e-n-t-s f-o-r-c-e-d m-e t-o b-e h-e-r-e b-u-t I j-u-s-t w-a-n-t t-o p-l-a-y a-n-d h-a-v-e f-r-i-e-n-d-s"

94-year old Frank Neuhauser, winner of the first Bee in 1925, could be seen standing around asking if anyone wanted him to spell anything

10-year-old Anthony Incorvati, like the complete dunce that he is, goes and fucks up on the word "quaquaversal," which is practically the easiest word you could possibly get, yet this idiot puts an "i" in there after the first "a"; can you fucking believe that?

At the conclusion of the Bee, the contestants unfortunately run across the entrants of the National Bullying Bee

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