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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee Highlights

The annual National Spelling Bee is an unusual but captivating event. Onion Sports notes some singular moments from this year's tournament:

Tia Thomas still manages to spell "oxylophytic" in the 10th round despite suffering a badly sprained tongue on "propylaeum"

Sameer Mishra wins the spelling bee thanks to his advanced preparation of writing every single word in the dictionary on the palm of his left hand

Immediately after being eliminated from the bee, Samika Fahim Nawaz announces that he has hired agent Drew Rosenhaus and will skip the rest of his scholastic career in order to enter the professional draft

Colorado Springs seventh-grader Priydeeyamanaya Siddharthneeumayhan is eliminated in the quarterfinals when judges ask her to spell her own name

An awkward silence descends across the stage when Los Angeles-area eighth-grader Julia Chen spells "syzygy" as "m-y m-a-n-i-p-u-l-a-t-i-v-e p-a-r-e-n-t-s f-o-r-c-e-d m-e t-o b-e h-e-r-e b-u-t I j-u-s-t w-a-n-t t-o p-l-a-y a-n-d h-a-v-e f-r-i-e-n-d-s"

94-year old Frank Neuhauser, winner of the first Bee in 1925, could be seen standing around asking if anyone wanted him to spell anything

10-year-old Anthony Incorvati, like the complete dunce that he is, goes and fucks up on the word "quaquaversal," which is practically the easiest word you could possibly get, yet this idiot puts an "i" in there after the first "a"; can you fucking believe that?

At the conclusion of the Bee, the contestants unfortunately run across the entrants of the National Bullying Bee

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