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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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2009 Midseason NFL Highlights

  • Week 1: The Cowboys' new stadium opens to controversy over its gigantic 72-by-160-foot Diamond Vision video screen, although owner Jerry Jones eventually agrees to take it off the field and suspend it from the ceiling
  • Week 2: The NFL announces sweeping reforms to scorekeeping and officiating after noticing all 32 teams are undefeated
  • Week 3: LaDainian Tomlinson gains a full yard on a carry, which is pretty good considering what happened on his 10 carries prior to that
  • Week 4: Though it was returned for 44 yards, Dolphins kicker Dan Carpenter still thinks it was the best opening kickoff of his career
  • Week 5: Browns quarterback Derek Anderson proves he may be the most valuable player in the league, beating the Bills with two completions for a total of 23 yards
  • Week 6: In the middle of the Raiders' upset win over the Eagles, Tom Cable and Michael Vick catch each other's eye on opposite sidelines and give each other a little nod
  • Week 7: The Texans' Steve Slaton rushes for 67 yards and gets into the end zone, all without the ball
  • Week 8: Returning to Lambeau as a Viking, Brett Favre is surprised that the home crowd is booing the Packers so loudly every time he walks on the field

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