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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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2009's Most Popular Classes

As the academic year begins, here is a survey of the most popular classes at colleges around the country:

  • University of Pennsylvania: The Psychological Ramifications Of Not Getting Into Harvard
  • Kentucky State University: Introduction To Seersucker
  • SUNY Buffalo: Fallback Careers 213: The Art Of Pierogi-Making
  • The Culinary Institute of America: Pancakes, French Toast, Waffles
  • Brigham Young University: Advanced Virginity
  • Rice University: Survey Of American Labor Relations, As Taught By Exotic 1960s Ex-Radical Curiosity Professor Maurice Zebko
  • Yale: Mastering a Senate Confirmation Hearing
  • Haskell County Adult Education Center: Computers

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