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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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2009's Most Popular Classes

As the academic year begins, here is a survey of the most popular classes at colleges around the country:

  • University of Pennsylvania: The Psychological Ramifications Of Not Getting Into Harvard
  • Kentucky State University: Introduction To Seersucker
  • SUNY Buffalo: Fallback Careers 213: The Art Of Pierogi-Making
  • The Culinary Institute of America: Pancakes, French Toast, Waffles
  • Brigham Young University: Advanced Virginity
  • Rice University: Survey Of American Labor Relations, As Taught By Exotic 1960s Ex-Radical Curiosity Professor Maurice Zebko
  • Yale: Mastering a Senate Confirmation Hearing
  • Haskell County Adult Education Center: Computers

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