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Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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2010 MLB Playoff Preview

As baseball's postseason begins, we take a hard look at each team's chances.

  • BRAVES: With Atlanta's shaky defense, lackluster end-of-season play, and aging manager, we can't stress enough that we put this team first on our list purely for alphabetical reasons
  • GIANTS: Opponents should be intimidated, mainly because the Giants are still around despite being the only playoff team in the postseason that didn't actually make the playoffs
  • RANGERS: It's almost a shame that Major League Baseball doesn't allow teams from Texas to win the World Series, as this team is pretty talented
  • RAYS: By toppling AL East powerhouses Boston and New York, Tampa Bay has become a cool team to root for and watch lose
  • PHILLIES: Though the starting rotation consists of all-stars Roy Oswalt, Cole Hamels, and Roy Halladay, Jamie Moyer's 7,000.42 ERA has to be of some concern
  • REDS: Nope
  • TWINS: Have a chance to compete against the best… Oh, wait, Justin Morneau is still injured? Three and out
  • YANKEES: Have a real shot at another World Series title if manager Joe Girardi makes the brave decision to start Alex Rodriguez at third base, keep Derek Jeter at shortstop, and play Mariano Rivera at pitcher every so often

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