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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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2010 MLB Playoff Preview

As baseball's postseason begins, we take a hard look at each team's chances.

  • BRAVES: With Atlanta's shaky defense, lackluster end-of-season play, and aging manager, we can't stress enough that we put this team first on our list purely for alphabetical reasons
  • GIANTS: Opponents should be intimidated, mainly because the Giants are still around despite being the only playoff team in the postseason that didn't actually make the playoffs
  • RANGERS: It's almost a shame that Major League Baseball doesn't allow teams from Texas to win the World Series, as this team is pretty talented
  • RAYS: By toppling AL East powerhouses Boston and New York, Tampa Bay has become a cool team to root for and watch lose
  • PHILLIES: Though the starting rotation consists of all-stars Roy Oswalt, Cole Hamels, and Roy Halladay, Jamie Moyer's 7,000.42 ERA has to be of some concern
  • REDS: Nope
  • TWINS: Have a chance to compete against the best… Oh, wait, Justin Morneau is still injured? Three and out
  • YANKEES: Have a real shot at another World Series title if manager Joe Girardi makes the brave decision to start Alex Rodriguez at third base, keep Derek Jeter at shortstop, and play Mariano Rivera at pitcher every so often

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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