2010 NBA Teams To Watch

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Vol 46 Issue 42

Report: Fans Enjoy Waving Things Around

NEW YORK—A joint report from all professional and amateur sporting leagues unanimously confirmed Thursday that fans enjoy waving random things around, typically above their heads, while attending athletic events.

NFL Scores Big Ratings With Rare Live Episode

GREEN BAY, WI—At a press conference Monday, NFL officials touted the success of a special live episode of Sunday Night Football, confirming that more than 19 million viewers had tuned in to watch players on the Vikings and Packers play in rea...

A-Rod Finally Leads Rangers To World Series

ARLINGTON, TX—Ten years after signing a record $252 million contract to play baseball in Texas, third baseman Alex Rodriguez finally delivered for the Rangers by leading the franchise to its first-ever World Series.

Kobe Bryant Just Not Into It This Year

LOS ANGELES—Two-time NBA Finals MVP Kobe Bryant, who claims he typically looks forward to the 82-game professional basketball season, told reporters Friday that he's "just not feeling it" this year.
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  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

2010 NBA Teams To Watch

With basketball season once again upon us, Onion Sports takes a look at this year's best and most interesting teams.

  • Miami Heat: Gotta love those black and red uniforms
  • Oklahoma City Thunder: Durant and Westbrook are so good, this team may actually earn the chance to return to a real city this year
  • Chicago Bulls: Their offseason acquisitions will look even more impressive when they finish third instead of fifth
  • Boston Celtics: The only team in the league that gives you the opportunity to point to all the players on the court and explain to your son what each one was like 10 years ago
  • New York Knicks: With the addition of Amar'e Stoudemire, experts are now able to write one clause of a persuasive sentence about New York
  • Detroit Pistons: Will continue to embody the blue-collar ethos of their city but will also embody its depressed, bleak ethos
  • New Jersey Nets: With their new billionaire owner, the Nets are the only team in the league that will make you feel better about not being a billionaire
  • The Playoffs: If you only watch one thing in the NBA this season, make it the playoffs
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