adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

2010 Oscar Contenders

The Thanksgiving weekend marks the beginning of Hollywood's release of its prestigious films for Oscar consideration. Here are some of the movies that are being positioned to win Academy recognition:

  • Ding-Dong, The Jew Saver—The untold story of how a cancer-riddled, mentally challenged man and his little chocolate lab accidentally saved thousands during World War II.
  • Crash—Anyone dumb enough to have chosen this for Best Picture in 2005 would probably do so again five years later
  • For Colored Girls—Not since The Color Purple has there been a film with more rape, abuse, domestic violence, and large hugging circles while CeCe Winans plays in the background
  • Vendor—A documentary about one man's dream to open a hot-dog cart, and he does it
  • Country Strong—This latest Hulk reboot gets a dramatic, honky-tonk treatment with singer Tim McGraw
  • Big Momma's Houseboat—She has to stay in the middle or the thing rocks too much, but the crooks still don't stand a chance
  • Little Fockers—Robert De Niro finally gets it together in this third installment of the Meet The Parents series, delivering the performance of a lifetime
  • The Movie—Charlie Kaufman's latest project, in which a script is seen being written on a computer screen in real time over the course of 198 hours
  • The Social Network—Dramatization teaches senior Academy members about new technology without them even knowing they're learning
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close