2010 Oscar Contenders

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Vol 46 Issue 48

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Report: TCU Can Only Enter Big East If They Bring Girls

FORT WORTH, TX—Texas Christian University has been invited to join the Big East athletic conference, an opportunity that would grant them higher visibility and prestige, as long as they "bring some of those hot Texas girls along," Commissi...

Chiefs Accidentally Win Again

SEATTLE—In yet another victorious slip-up that baffled players, coaches, and fans alike, the Chiefs accidentally defeated the Seahawks 42-24 Sunday, inadvertently outplaying their opponent by scoring more touchdowns.

Marriage Handled Amicably

DAVENPORT, IA—Despite the bitter emotional toll it has taken on them, Beth and David Harrigan expressed relief Tuesday that they have been able to handle their 11-year marriage so amicably.

Antimicrobials May Compromise Immune System

Researchers at the University of Michigan School of Public Health found that young people with high levels of triclosan, an antimicrobial agent commonly found in soaps, were at greater risk for allergies.
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  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

2010 Oscar Contenders

The Thanksgiving weekend marks the beginning of Hollywood's release of its prestigious films for Oscar consideration. Here are some of the movies that are being positioned to win Academy recognition:

  • Ding-Dong, The Jew Saver—The untold story of how a cancer-riddled, mentally challenged man and his little chocolate lab accidentally saved thousands during World War II.
  • Crash—Anyone dumb enough to have chosen this for Best Picture in 2005 would probably do so again five years later
  • For Colored Girls—Not since The Color Purple has there been a film with more rape, abuse, domestic violence, and large hugging circles while CeCe Winans plays in the background
  • Vendor—A documentary about one man's dream to open a hot-dog cart, and he does it
  • Country Strong—This latest Hulk reboot gets a dramatic, honky-tonk treatment with singer Tim McGraw
  • Big Momma's Houseboat—She has to stay in the middle or the thing rocks too much, but the crooks still don't stand a chance
  • Little Fockers—Robert De Niro finally gets it together in this third installment of the Meet The Parents series, delivering the performance of a lifetime
  • The Movie—Charlie Kaufman's latest project, in which a script is seen being written on a computer screen in real time over the course of 198 hours
  • The Social Network—Dramatization teaches senior Academy members about new technology without them even knowing they're learning
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