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2010 World Cup Teams To Watch

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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2010 World Cup Teams To Watch

While Brazil and Argentina seem to grab all the attention, the field is as interesting as it is deep. Onion Sports points out the keys for each national side.

  • Ghana: Though not expected to make it to the quarterfinals, they should win the Eukaryotic Protist trophy, given to the team with malaria that advances the farthest
  • England: Known for inventing new ways to underperform; look for England's players to lose their first World Cup match by forgetting what time it starts and everyone going skydiving instead
  • North Korea: DPRK players could be tough to defend, as they have nuclear devices strapped to their chests
  • Spain: If this talented team of handsome young playboys is able to keep from sleeping with beautiful women long enough to play full 90-minute matches, it should be considered a favorite
  • Portugal: Cristiano Ronaldo has a knack for always having his hair in just the right place at the right time.
  • United States: Full disclosure—the government mandates we include an entry for the United States in a list like this
  • France: Proof that basing an offense around being standoffish and unappealing can work if you really put your heart into it
  • South Africa: Team has the potential to go very far, as they know which parts of the field to avoid if you don't want to get stabbed to death

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