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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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2010's Top College Football Recruiting Prospects

With Signing Week upon us, Onion Sports runs down the prep stars who will soon make an impact on the college football scene.

  • C.J. Thurston: Has shown the consistently mediocre free safety play that would fit in perfectly with an Akron or a Central Michigan
  • Alex Carson: Quarterback has the talent, makeup, and complete inability to put the two together that will make him the perfect successor for Jimmy Clausen at Notre Dame
  • James Lowry: With his ability to stand upright and breathe, Michigan has been doing everything in its power to get this high school senior to make a verbal commitment.
  • Brett Favre: Has played on and off for Hancock North Central High over the past 25 seasons, swears he still has a year of college eligibility left
  • Frank Villani: 9 feet tall
  • Kyle Washington: The fact that this star quarterback has entered a bet to get the nerdiest girl in school to fall in love with him could turn away some recruiters; then again, he seems to genuinely like the girl now
  • Jordan Rutherford: Tall, slender, muscular, long-limbed, athletic, has a great frame, and you really just get lost in those deep blue eyes of his…. What were we talking about again?
  • Devin Smith: At a speedy 210 pounds, Smith will surely have a role on special teams as a freshman and will begin to see significant playing time his second year; by his junior year, he'll have met the girl of his dreams and will start focusing more on his architecture degree; at 45, he will have two beautiful daughters, a sizable home in North Carolina, and a real shot at being elected city councilman
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