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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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2010's Top College Football Recruiting Prospects

With Signing Week upon us, Onion Sports runs down the prep stars who will soon make an impact on the college football scene.

  • C.J. Thurston: Has shown the consistently mediocre free safety play that would fit in perfectly with an Akron or a Central Michigan
  • Alex Carson: Quarterback has the talent, makeup, and complete inability to put the two together that will make him the perfect successor for Jimmy Clausen at Notre Dame
  • James Lowry: With his ability to stand upright and breathe, Michigan has been doing everything in its power to get this high school senior to make a verbal commitment.
  • Brett Favre: Has played on and off for Hancock North Central High over the past 25 seasons, swears he still has a year of college eligibility left
  • Frank Villani: 9 feet tall
  • Kyle Washington: The fact that this star quarterback has entered a bet to get the nerdiest girl in school to fall in love with him could turn away some recruiters; then again, he seems to genuinely like the girl now
  • Jordan Rutherford: Tall, slender, muscular, long-limbed, athletic, has a great frame, and you really just get lost in those deep blue eyes of his…. What were we talking about again?
  • Devin Smith: At a speedy 210 pounds, Smith will surely have a role on special teams as a freshman and will begin to see significant playing time his second year; by his junior year, he'll have met the girl of his dreams and will start focusing more on his architecture degree; at 45, he will have two beautiful daughters, a sizable home in North Carolina, and a real shot at being elected city councilman
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