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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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2011 College Football Preseason Poll

With college football season almost upon us, it's time to take a look at where the top teams rank in the preseason polls.

  • 1. Oklahoma: Not a bad team, but pretty obviously here because the coaches and reporters lack imagination
  • 2. Alabama: Somebody called them up and asked if they're still a really good team, and they said yes
  • 3. Oregon: LaMichael James a leading candidate to take Heisman Trophy, be forced to return it in five years
  • 4. Florida State: The Seminoles have proven themselves worthy of a top-10 ranking by—wait, nobody has proven anything. The season hasn't even started. How does any of this matter in any way imaginable?
  • 5. Boise State: Cue complaining in 3…2…1…
  • 6. Florida: Several former backups who are stepping into starting roles have plenty of losing experience from last year to draw from and try to do the opposite of
  • 7. Auburn: The Tigers have lost far too much talent this year to qualify for a bowl title they will later be stripped of
  • 8. Arkansas: Just because star running back Knile Davis is out for the season doesn’t mean the Hogs can’t be ranked in the top five; it has more to do with the fact that they just aren’t as good as those other teams.
  • 9. Wisconsin: Pound for pound, this team weighs the most pounds of any in NCAA football
  • 10. Michigan: Actually not even in anyone's top 25, and also, fuck them

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