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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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2011 Hall Of Fame Finalists

Canton has released this year's list of players nominated for the Hall of Fame. We weigh in on who is and isn't deserving of football's highest individual honor.

  • Curtis Martin: As one of the top-10 all-time rushers, he should be voted in now before his records are replaced by far more athletic running backs
  • Andre Reed: A perfect candidate for the Hall of Fame now that all the better receivers have been inducted
  • Jerome Bettis: When it came to big, bumbling tubs of forward-falling lard, Bettis was the best of his era
  • Shannon Sharpe: May deserve to be in the Hall, but keep in mind that he would then be allowed to make a speech
  • Willie Roaf: Listen, we understand offensive linemen aren't supposed to score, but not even one touchdown? Come on
  • Cris Carter: With 1,101 career receptions, Carter had what could be considered the best hands in the league, as well as the best thighs and ass
  • Chris Hanburger: Nope
  • Deion Sanders: Recently held a gala ceremony inducting all 260 current Hall of Famers into the Deion Sanders Hall of Fame

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