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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.
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2011 Hall Of Fame Finalists

Canton has released this year's list of players nominated for the Hall of Fame. We weigh in on who is and isn't deserving of football's highest individual honor.

  • Curtis Martin: As one of the top-10 all-time rushers, he should be voted in now before his records are replaced by far more athletic running backs
  • Andre Reed: A perfect candidate for the Hall of Fame now that all the better receivers have been inducted
  • Jerome Bettis: When it came to big, bumbling tubs of forward-falling lard, Bettis was the best of his era
  • Shannon Sharpe: May deserve to be in the Hall, but keep in mind that he would then be allowed to make a speech
  • Willie Roaf: Listen, we understand offensive linemen aren't supposed to score, but not even one touchdown? Come on
  • Cris Carter: With 1,101 career receptions, Carter had what could be considered the best hands in the league, as well as the best thighs and ass
  • Chris Hanburger: Nope
  • Deion Sanders: Recently held a gala ceremony inducting all 260 current Hall of Famers into the Deion Sanders Hall of Fame

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