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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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2011 Hall Of Fame Finalists

Canton has released this year's list of players nominated for the Hall of Fame. We weigh in on who is and isn't deserving of football's highest individual honor.

  • Curtis Martin: As one of the top-10 all-time rushers, he should be voted in now before his records are replaced by far more athletic running backs
  • Andre Reed: A perfect candidate for the Hall of Fame now that all the better receivers have been inducted
  • Jerome Bettis: When it came to big, bumbling tubs of forward-falling lard, Bettis was the best of his era
  • Shannon Sharpe: May deserve to be in the Hall, but keep in mind that he would then be allowed to make a speech
  • Willie Roaf: Listen, we understand offensive linemen aren't supposed to score, but not even one touchdown? Come on
  • Cris Carter: With 1,101 career receptions, Carter had what could be considered the best hands in the league, as well as the best thighs and ass
  • Chris Hanburger: Nope
  • Deion Sanders: Recently held a gala ceremony inducting all 260 current Hall of Famers into the Deion Sanders Hall of Fame

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