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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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2011 In The Less Popular Sports

Any fan will tell you the big-name leagues aren't the whole sporting world. As time expires on 2011, we take a look at major accomplishments, happenings, and developments in the less popular sports.

  • The Bassmaster lockout ends quickly as lake owners just let striking bass flop around the shore until they're dead, then replace them with nonunion fish
  • Arena football continues, with many teams participating in the sport with various degrees of success
  • Virginia defeats Maryland to become NCAA champs in lacrosse, a sport that was astoundingly not renamed Sticklaunchers at any point this year
  • Shot-putter Greg Brighton persists in putting the hell out of that shot
  • Not one single bobsled was so much as touched, because nobody would ever do that when the Olympics aren't happening
  • Norwegian cross-country skier Petter Northug motivates himself to a win in the men's 50-km freestyle by reminding himself that if he collapses and freezes to death in the woods, no one will even know to look for him
  • St. Louis 10-year-old Mike Butler wins the Imaginary Super Bowl, the Imaginary World Series, and the Imaginary Olympics, inspiring his parents to get back together in his imagination
  • Silvano Alves breaks the all-time bull-riding record, continuing at it for hours, which at first thrills fans, then makes them dubious and angry, and then raises concerns for the life of the bull, who eventually dies of exhaustion to complete silence from attendees
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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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