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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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2011 NCAA Tournament Highlights So Far

The first two rounds of March Madness provided more than their share of great drama. Here are the moments that will live on long after the tournament is over:

  • John Calipari sets a personal best by committing almost no recruiting violations in the first half against West Virginia
  • Notre Dame loses in the second round to FSU, prompting Ben Hansbrough to contort his face into a mix of anguish, torment, disgust, and utter dejection all at once
  • Talor Battle sinks an off-balance three-pointer with less than 0.00 seconds left, so the basket does not count and Penn State loses
  • Richmond made this amazing play while you were watching the other game
  • Pittsburgh and Butler get a little too caught up in their side bet of which team can foul the other last
  • After Gonzaga's second-round loss, Adam Morrison is seen sobbing alone behind the Bulldogs bench
  • BYU players celebrate reaching the Sweet 16 by staying up all night at the hotel playing board games, swimming in the pool, and daring each other to drink coffee
  • Kenny Smith uses the word "immoral" to describe coaching violations, even though a man who drove drunk to get a blow job is sitting right next to him

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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