2013 Spring Training Highlights

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Vol 49 Issue 11

Splash

ABC 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Louie Anderson, and other celebrities compete to see which one has the most mismanaged finances.

Saturday, March 23

There’s no Bloodmobile this week. Still have some left over from last time, matter of fact.

Stupid Ponds, Faggy Rivers

National Geographic 7 p.m. EDT/6 p.m. CDT Moody teenage host Grant Brock takes you to a few aquatic locales only a gay idiot would be dumb enough to enjoy.

Nadal Hits Shot Super Low To The Net

INDIAN WELLS, CA—In an interview following his 4-6, 6-4, 7-5 victory over Ernests Gulbis at the BNP Paribas Open, Spanish tennis player Rafael Nadal recounted hitting a shot during the second set Thursday that went super low over the net.

GOP Senator Flips On Gay Marriage After Son Comes Out

Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH), a leading conservative who was on Mitt Romney’s shortlist for vice president, announced the reversal of his longstanding position against same-sex marriage, saying he had a change of heart after his son came out to him two y...

NASA Designers Release Flirty New Space Skirt

The word 'innovate' is said over 24 million times at SXSW, NASA designers release a flirty new spaceskirt, and the next episode of 'Girls' to feature Lena Dunham shitting herself during gyno exam while eating a burrito.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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2013 Spring Training Highlights

With baseball’s preseason heating up, Onion Sports examines the most exciting moments from the exhibition games.

  • Phillies and Yankees face off in the most well-attended game to be played in Tampa this year
  • Mariners manager Eric Wedge sighs and rubs his temples for the first time of the new season
  • Vin Scully spends the 17th of his 21 final days on Earth calling yet another baseball game nobody is listening to 400 miles away from his loved ones
  • The Padres beat the Rangers 1-0 after an epic 12-inning battle that left everyone wondering why they ever considered this game interesting
  • Four innings into a Cardinals-Braves exhibition game, players from both teams simultaneously get bored and walk off field
  • Derek Jeter successfully ignores the constant shooting pains in his ankle during a game against the Cardinals
  • Cubs fan Patrick Mitchell wondered to himself how life could be any better than watching his team play while lounging in the grass on a beautiful afternoon, then realized he was in Mesa, Arizona
  • Carlos Paulino knocks home the winning run for the Pirates in a thrilling extra-innings win over the Blue Jays to cement Pittsburgh’s 11th-place spot in the March 13 Grapefruit League standings
  • Six lucky Miami Marlins fans brought onto field to fill out team’s roster
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