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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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2013 Spring Training Highlights

With baseball’s preseason heating up, Onion Sports examines the most exciting moments from the exhibition games.

  • Phillies and Yankees face off in the most well-attended game to be played in Tampa this year
  • Mariners manager Eric Wedge sighs and rubs his temples for the first time of the new season
  • Vin Scully spends the 17th of his 21 final days on Earth calling yet another baseball game nobody is listening to 400 miles away from his loved ones
  • The Padres beat the Rangers 1-0 after an epic 12-inning battle that left everyone wondering why they ever considered this game interesting
  • Four innings into a Cardinals-Braves exhibition game, players from both teams simultaneously get bored and walk off field
  • Derek Jeter successfully ignores the constant shooting pains in his ankle during a game against the Cardinals
  • Cubs fan Patrick Mitchell wondered to himself how life could be any better than watching his team play while lounging in the grass on a beautiful afternoon, then realized he was in Mesa, Arizona
  • Carlos Paulino knocks home the winning run for the Pirates in a thrilling extra-innings win over the Blue Jays to cement Pittsburgh’s 11th-place spot in the March 13 Grapefruit League standings
  • Six lucky Miami Marlins fans brought onto field to fill out team’s roster

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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