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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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2013 Spring Training Highlights

With baseball’s preseason heating up, Onion Sports examines the most exciting moments from the exhibition games.

  • Phillies and Yankees face off in the most well-attended game to be played in Tampa this year
  • Mariners manager Eric Wedge sighs and rubs his temples for the first time of the new season
  • Vin Scully spends the 17th of his 21 final days on Earth calling yet another baseball game nobody is listening to 400 miles away from his loved ones
  • The Padres beat the Rangers 1-0 after an epic 12-inning battle that left everyone wondering why they ever considered this game interesting
  • Four innings into a Cardinals-Braves exhibition game, players from both teams simultaneously get bored and walk off field
  • Derek Jeter successfully ignores the constant shooting pains in his ankle during a game against the Cardinals
  • Cubs fan Patrick Mitchell wondered to himself how life could be any better than watching his team play while lounging in the grass on a beautiful afternoon, then realized he was in Mesa, Arizona
  • Carlos Paulino knocks home the winning run for the Pirates in a thrilling extra-innings win over the Blue Jays to cement Pittsburgh’s 11th-place spot in the March 13 Grapefruit League standings
  • Six lucky Miami Marlins fans brought onto field to fill out team’s roster

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