2014 NFL Players To Watch

In This Section

Vol 50 Issue 35

Cannibal Corpse Blasting From Papal Apartment Window

I-90 adds a lane for drivers traveling cross country to stop a woman from marrying the wrong man, a job applicant totally nails an interview with the person who will make his life a living hell for the next five years, and adjusting several sliders on a r...

NYPD Requiring Cops To Undergo Twitter Training

The New York Post reported that, following a Twitter outreach campaign that backfired horribly, the NYPD is requiring its officers to attend mandatory classes at a local college on how to use Twitter.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comedy

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

2014 NFL Players To Watch

Onion Sports has the comprehensive guide to the most exciting NFL players of 2014.

  • Peyton Manning (QB, Denver Broncos): Expect Manning to quickly bounce back from the Broncos’ crushing Super Bowl defeat with several huge ad campaigns early in the season
  • Ndamukong Suh (DE, Detroit Lions): Count on Suh to put up huge numbers in NFL fines this year
  • Drew Brees (QB, New Orleans Saints): Even at 35 years old, Brees still possesses the arm strength and pinpoint accuracy to run the score up against any shitty team
  • Robert Griffin III (QB, Washington Redskins): With a new head coach in Jay Gruden, RGIII is primed to shake off a disappointing, injury-riddled 2013 season and have a disappointing, injury-riddled 2014 season
  • Calvin Johnson (WR, Detroit Lions): The Lions star receiver will continue dominating opposing defenses, with his incredible stats expected to be as futile as ever this season
  • Eli Manning (QB, New York Giants): Manning has been a standout during Giants training camp, connecting regularly with favorite target Antrel Rolle
  • Joe Flacco (QB, Baltimore Ravens): Flacco definitely has something to prove this season, as he is only five years and $99.5 million away from a contract year
  • Adrian Peterson (RB, Minnesota Vikings): Peterson remains a top back in the league and is projected to rush for over 1,400 of the 3,100 yards left in his career
  • Johnny Manziel (QB, Cleveland Browns): The former Texas A&M star has all the attributes to be a breakout distraction for the Browns in his rookie season
  • LaMarr Woodley (DE, Oakland Raiders): The former Steeler will add a strong veteran presence to the Raiders’ injured reserve list
  • Tony Romo (QB, Dallas Cowboys): Romo will be a guaranteed first-round pick in every fantasy draft held in the immediate Dallas-Fort Worth metro area
  • Mark Sanchez (QB, Philadelphia Eagles): Now a backup, expect to see Sanchez on the sidelines roughly as much as he was while starting for the Jets
  • Ray Rice (RB, Baltimore Ravens): Rice is expected to have a very poor year based on last season’s stats and the greater forces of karmic retribution
  • Richie Incognito (OG, Free Agent): The winner of the OSN’s 2014 NFL Player Of The Year Award is sure to have another stellar season
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More