25 Years Of Al-Qaeda

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Vol 49 Issue 33

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s.

Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving

Scientists finally pronounce the human genome, a new report finds that the Washington Redskins’ name is only offensive if you think about what it means, and a bigoted asshole makes the best barbecue.
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

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25 Years Of Al-Qaeda

Sunday marked the 25th anniversary of the founding of the global terrorist network al-Qaeda. Here are some of the milestone moments in the militant organization’s 25-year history:

  • Aug. 11, 1988: Founders Larry Wentworth and Mark Gold establish the organization and settle on a name
  • Nov. 14, 1990: Headquarters moved to Delaware for tax purposes
  • Dec. 18, 1991: Al-Qaeda pulls off the first of its trademark prankings
  • July 29, 1998: With Ayman al-Zawahiri excitedly ringing the New York Stock Exchange opening bell, al-Qaeda goes public at $18 a share
  • Mar. 3, 2002: PeopleSoft rolled out across the terrorist network to help operatives keep better track of hours and vacation time
  • Mar. 24, 2002: Al-Qaeda leaders secretly meet with Saddam Hussein in Dick Cheney’s imagination
  • July 30, 2002: Thanked in the liner notes to Bruce Springsteen’s The Rising
  • Oct. 15, 2005: Al-Qaeda’s audio/visual department spins off into an independent and highly successful media production company called Lucid Entertainment
  • Sept. 28, 2008: Forced to call off plot to destroy U.S. financial system after Americans take care of it themselves
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