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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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25 Years Of ‘The Rush Limbaugh Show’

Rush Limbaugh’s eponymous national radio show celebrates 25 years in syndication this Thursday. Here are some of the major moments in the conservative pundit’s controversial career:

  • 1988: Rush Limbaugh’s fledgling program receives initial grant from the National Endowment for the Arts
  • 1990: Gushing, weeklong praise of the movie Ghost
  • 1993: Enters a near nirvanic 19-day on-air trance in which he delivers a single uninterrupted rant against people on welfare wearing new clothes
  • 2000–2008: Pretty much cool with everything government does
  • 2004: Limbaugh’s third wife calls into the show to tell him she wants a divorce
  • 2006: Apologizes for exaggerated impression of Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s condition with a practiced, spot-on imitation
  • 2006: Uses the term “Project Massacre” followed by a sound effect of wind chimes to refer to the legalization of abortion
  • 2011: During a very slow news day, Frankie Muniz comes on the show
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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