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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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25 Years Of WrestleMania

To mark the silver anniversary of the greatest show in sports entertainment, we recognize the most spectacular moments from professional wrestling's biggest stage:

1989: The WWF allows Big John Studd to referee a match between Jake Roberts and Andre the Giant despite the fact that Studd doesn't have the proper credentials to officiate

1990: While on top of the second turnbuckle, "Ravishing" Rick Rude removes 45,000 individual layers of tights spray-painted with murals of the wives of every man in the audience

1994: The Canadian-mountie-themed Quebecers enter the ring, wait for five minutes, realize there is no one willing to wrestle them, and walk back the way they came

1996: WWF newcomer "Stone Cold" Steve Austin takes a few minutes to catch his breath and almost throws up after drinking two beers at the same time

1996: The feud between "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Goldust takes a shocking turn as their match devolves into a blood-drenched no-holds-barred crowd-silencing 40-minute fuck marathon

1998: The Rock becomes a good guy, then goes back to being a bad guy, then back to good guy, then bad guy again, all in the same minute

2003: Rhyno executes the most technically sound arm bar in WrestleMania history

2008: Moments after losing a "Career Threatening" match, Ric Flair marks his last-ever WrestleMania by addressing the crowd with a plaintive 90-minute "Woo"

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