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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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50 Years Of James Bond

British secret agent James Bond made his first appearance in American theaters 50 years ago Wednesday in Dr. No. Here are some of the most memorable moments of 007’s half century on the silver screen:

  • 1964: After cast and crew discover actress Shirley Eaton in her trailer dead and covered in gold paint, they decide to work it into the script and just go with it
  • 1966: Bond puts too much detergent in the washing machine, turning his bachelor pad into one big, soapy mess
  • 1967: Joey Heatherton makes her Bond debut as Swedish double agent Blood-Engorged Clitoris
  • 1969: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service becomes the first Bond film to employ a gun as a weapon, as opposed to the crossbows used exclusively in the first five films
  • 1977: The latest movie opens with an innovative credits sequence featuring dancing silhouettes and the film’s title projected onto the naked body of Roger Moore
  • 1979: Q shows Bond his latest invention, The Wacky Wobbler
  • 1985: Bond travels the world as security for Duran Duran
  • 2006: Daniel Craig is cast as 007 after being the only one to show up to audition

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