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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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A History Of Lance Armstrong's Doping Allegations

Lance Armstrong is fending off accusations by former teammates that he doped himself during his cycling career. Of course, it’s hardly the first time suspicion has been leveled against him:

  • 1978: At age 7, Lance Armstrong leaves the local bike shop with his first bicycle and track mark
  • 1982: During a long, serious discussion with his parents, Armstrong admits to holding a marijuana pipe for a friend but says he doesn’t know where the 14 bottles of Dianabol came from
  • 1984: After winning his first triathlon, Armstrong celebrates by letting out several primal screams, ripping the trophy in half, and punching a hole through a nearby brick wall
  • 1992: Though Armstrong finishes his first Olympic race in 14th place, judges are skeptical as to how he was able to do it after pedaling just once
  • 1999-2005: Wins seven consecutive Tours de France by soundly beating hundreds of the world's top cyclists, every single one of whom has since tested positive for stupendous amounts of performance-enhancing drugs
  • 2007: LanceArmstrong.com accidentally posts an article about Lance Armstrong taking steroids
  • 2009: Armstrong's comeback clouded by accusations of career-long drug use, as well as the fine mist of EPO emitted from his sweat glands, ears, and tear ducts
  • 2011: Armstrong still beloved by the American public because the word "doping," not "steroids," is usually used in news stories, and they don't know what that is
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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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